Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Now that the unemployment rate is approaching seven percent and the average retirement plan has dropped by a third, America's upper-crust are joining hands and bravely taking action.

They're not actually going to help anybody. They're not going to give any of their money away. In fact, they're all talking to their lawyers to see if they can get a share of the federal bailout. But they've decided en masse that there is one small step they can take to make this new economic world a better place.

They're going to try not to be quite as flashy.

As anyone who's been to New York knows, this marks a complete about-face for the rich. No more thousand-dollar cocktails! No more $175 hamburgers flecked with gold leaf! This kind of selflessness hasn't been seen since the Great Depression, when in an amazing display of unselfishness J. P. Morgan Jr. kept his 343-foot yacht in the boatyard so it wouldn't make unemployed people feel bad.

Brave as soldiers, everyone is doing their bit. Paco Underhill, author of Why We Buy, tells of a man who bought a high-performance sportscar but had the name plate removed so poor people wouldn't realize what it was. Harry Slatkin, founder of Slatkin & Co., a home fragrances company, said he and his wife recently canceled a birthday party at the Four Seasons in favor of a bash at their home where his waitstaff will serve White Castle cheeseburgers on silver trays.

Bravo, I say, and I thank the New York Times for bringing this to my attention. It's tough times like these that show the world what we're made of. I applaud America's wealthy -- from the standing room, of course.

1 comment:

Yet Another Steve said...

Ick, what is that thing on the bun, it looks like a teratoma! If that's what the rich are eating these days, I'm happier not knowing.