Football tough guy Brian Urlacher, a linebacker for the Chicago Bears, is fighting a custody battle with his baby mama Tyna Robertson. Ms. Robertson is horrified by the way Urlacher treats their child, and she's begged the court to intervene. Either Mr. Urlacher has to change his abusive ways, she declared, or he'll never see their boy again.

Oozing disgust, Ms. Robertson details the infractions: Mr. Urlacher dressed their son in pink Cinderella diapers, and painted his toes with blue nail polish.

I mean. Imagine. What, will he drag the kid to a Clay Aiken concert next?

The boy has absolutely no problem with either of these. In fact, he didn't want to take a bath because he thought it'd chip his polish, and he proudly showed his diapers to Ms. Robertson, saying "Mommy, look how pretty they are!" Mr. Urlacher says it's not like this'll turn their son gay, but Ms. Robertson says it confuses him.

And so Ms. Robertson is petitioning the court to deny visitation to Mr. Urlacher until he stops painting the boy's toenails, and until the three-year-old agrees that wearing pink diapers just fuckin' sucks.