Okay, I'm going to come out of the closet here. I've been hesitant to admit something here out of fear of being shamed, but I think I finally worked up enough courage to come out and say it.
I drink my own urine.
I've been drinking my own urine for about two years now. Just a dribble a day at the beginning, but I'm recycling most of it now. I finally shared my secret with a good friend a couple weeks ago. He took it better than I thought he would. "So, you're doing it because it's healthy?" he asked.
"It's healthy?" I replied.
After talking to him, I realized there are lots of advantages to drinking your own urine. When you go to a music festival, you don't have to bring a bota bag. When your boyfriend catches you naked, trying to force your head into your groin, you've got a convenient excuse.
Still, I realize people like me are a rare breed. Most people would pull an unknown shellfish out of the ocean, pry it open, see that it looks like mucus and toss it away. It takes a rare breed to find something disgusting and say, "Gosh, I wonder how it tastes!"
I hope with this admission, more people will give it a try. Heck, maybe one day it'll be as commonplace as drinking wine, and we'll see signs in restaurants telling customers to BYOP. Maybe we'll even have sommeliers to steer us to the correct dish to match with our wizz. "The Dover sole is extremely delicate," he'd advise. "You didn't eat brussel sprouts last night?"
Of course, it's hard to get started. "Why, I don't drink Sunny Delight," you tell yourself, "and it didn't spend two hours in my kidneys!" But it gets easier as you slowly learn to appreciate the heady scent of wee. Which brings up the one small side-effect. Now when I'm in Central Park or on the subway and I walk through a smelly tunnel, I feel like a fat girl walking past Cinnabon.
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