Well, it's about time. A federal appeals court finally struck down that ridiculous FCC policy on indecency, saying that laws barring the use of “fleeting expletives” on radio and television violated the First Amendment because they were vague and could inhibit free speech.

I never understood how we got those laws in the first place. We've always treasured free speech in America, ever since the founding of this great nation, yet somehow we got sidetracked. In the fuzziness of history, we began to think our founding fathers were Puritans, when in reality the opposite was true.

Rather than being stuffy old white men who debated chattel and the iron trade over brandy and cigars, the men who wrote the Constitution were hard-drinking and hard-partying. After long hours spent poring over parchment by candlelight, they were frequently known to dip their spoons in mochachino pudding. Indeed, they were even regarded as fashion plates, taking pains to keep up with the trends though the "common folk" probably thought it was madness to pair bolero jackets with matador pants.

No, the Founding Fathers were hellraisers, and they'd have been horrified to see that their grandiose project -- this great nation we call America -- claims to grant freedom to the downtrodden peoples of the world, but won't let Cher say "shitfaced" on Carson Daly Live.

Benjamin Franklin, for one, can be seen as the Britney Spears of his day, once causing a sensation by appearing at the French court in his own hair rather than a wig. Is there any doubt that, were he alive today, he'd be touching himself in music videos, and kissing Ricky Martin?

When Nicole Ritchie talked about cowshit in her Prada bag during the MTV Movie Awards, Alexander Hamilton wouldn't have clutched his chest or called in the cavalry. Heck, I'll bet he'd have texted "LMFAO!" to the Continental Congress!

As a fan of President James K. Polk, I'm convinced he'd be aghast to hear that Bono was roundly chastized for saying "Fuck" during the Billboard Music Awards. He was a master of the zither, which can be seen as a predecessor to the Fender Stratocaster, and were he alive today I think he'd be a huge U2 fan, though of their earlier work and not the pointless electronica noodling like Zootopia.

But since these great men are no longer with us, I'd like to stand up for them today and say thank God the courts, in their infinite wisdom, have finally reinforced the planks of freedom that support this great nation and have once again granted its citizens that inalienable right to show off our nipple rings during Super Bowl halftime shows.