I know this is supposed to be heartwarming, or funny, or something. A real live male tortoise falls in love with a plastic one. Still, when I read about it, I got really depressed.

I mean, how can you miss the allegory? This tortoise is pouring his heart and soul into this relationship, and he
doesn't even notice it's not real. He's fallen in love with an inanimate object who can never return his feelings. Honestly, to me there's nothing more pitiful than a dude who doesn't realize the blissfully happy universe he's constructed exists entirely in his mind.

Still, the more I thought about it, the more I realized it wasn't so horrible. Sure, she's plastic. She's for sale to anybody with a buck, and she does nothing but sit around and look pretty. He kisses her when he feels affectionate, and once in a while he brings her food.

But toss in the occasional car crash and rant about the Jews and this is pretty much everybody in New York.