When the Wildlife Conservation Society recently discovered a beaver living in the Bronx River, it did the neighborly thing and asked local residents to help name the little critter. And when the Bronx Zoo opened up the competition to online voting, it all but guaranteed the end result: ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Justin Beaver.

Sigh. Aside from being nonsensical, it's insulting. I mean, one's a floppy-haired rodent who can chew a branch into sawdust with his powerful front teeth and lives in a log home by the river.

And the other sang Baby Baby Baby Oh.