Dear Paper Towels:

I sincerely appreciate your efforts to bend to my every whim. I really appreciate that attitude. In reality, though, I find your lack of decision-making irritating. I am a busy man, and my brain is already overloaded with thoughts. Plus, in this case the decision involved has very little impact. If I pull an entire paper towel off the roll when I only need half, no kittens will be killed, no buses will crash, no tsunami will be unleashed.

In the future, then, please Select A Size your goddamn self.

Thanks much,
RomanHans