I've posted before about Thrillist. They insist that "Favorable reviews cannot be bought," and then they rave about some new designer showroom where a hedge fund manager's ex-wife sells sparkly cowboy culottes for $1,400 a pair. The disclaimer doesn't actually help their reputation. It's like finding a friend behind the counter at McDonalds and hearing him insist that he's not being paid. Maybe their reviews can't be swayed with money, but they can be easily won over by fugly clothes made for frat boys or forty dollar martinis decorated with real gold leaf.

Today Thrillist raves about GameCrush, with the somewhat-unbelievable headline "Internet gaming but now with pretty people." They provide profiles for some of them.

FoxR571 likes easygoing fun guys. Kaylagirl loves "dirty talk" and high kill scores on Call of Duty. Sexykitty likes kitties and strawberries, and she wants to "play with your joystick."

What's the catch? You have to pay these women to play videogames with you.

"Endlessly playing video games isn't a great way to meet girls," the modern-day Solomons declare, "but you know what is? Money."

Now, I've gotta say, that's real progress. No more paying woman to accompany us to motels to blow us: now we're paying woman to accompany us to virtual worlds to kill zombies who want to eat our brains.

This recommendation leaves me staring in disbelief. Really, what kind of crowd are they aiming for? If you were thinking to yourself, "I'm a complete social outcast but I don't have the confidence to pick up whores," then this is the tip for you. Personally, though, I'm not sure they should be encouraging this kind of thing. Rather than provide such a ridiculous way for housebound geeks to talk with women, maybe they should help the guys out of the basement first. It reminds me of those websites where anorexic girls write that their parents are begging them to gain weight, and helpful people post replies like, "Sew rocks in your clothes before they weigh you and they'll never catch on!"

So, thanks, Thrillist. We get the message. Guys have money, girls have vaginas, and capitalism ensues. Everything between them -- all the way from playing Yahtzee to toe-sucking -- is bought and paid for. You've filled in that gap between incipient geekdom and Elliott Spitzer.

I'm sure SexyKitty et al. will claim this new venture is empowering, blah blah blah. Women are taking their futures into their own hands! Sure they are. Now c'mon, baby: back to Ms. Pacman. Your pouty little mouth needs to keep swallowing those creamy white dots until Daddy tells you to stop.