There are a couple problematic homosexuals in the news today. Which actually isn't too bad, considering our problematic counterpart in the heterosexual community is a family values-spouting ex-cheerleader who, we recently discovered, filmed herself while waving her pompoms and exhorting viewers to spell "C-L-I-T-O-R-I-S."

State Senator Rubén Díaz Sr. is one of New York's most homophobic senators. Two of his brothers are gay, though, along with many of his friends. "I love them," he says. "So how could I be a homophobe?"

Well, here's a hint, dude. You argued that the Gay Games shouldn't be held because they would spread HIV. You personally sponsored a rally against gay marriage in the Bronx, busing in 10,000 evangelical homophobes to bolster your argument. You sued the city to shut down a high school for gay and transgender students.

You don't need Miss Marple to spot the clues, buddy.

I'm fed up with bigots denying reality. I mean, if we interviewed Hitler today, I'll bet the first thing out of his mouth would be, "Personally, you know, I like the Jews!" I'm thinking the dictionary is partly to blame. Homophobia is defined as "the irrational fear of homosexuals," which makes it sound like if you don't run screaming from us, you're cool. For somebody to qualify as homophobic, they've got to rank gays right up there with confined spaces and rats.

While one might think homosexuals would have a problem with Mr. Díaz’s agenda, Christopher Lynn doesn't. He's Mr. Díaz’s chief counsel, though he's gay and partnered. They all double-date, though nobody mentions whether, during good-night hugs, pepper spray is involved. Mr. Lynn unapologetically declares that Mr. Diaz is “a true believer in Christian values, in treating people the way you want to be treated."

Corinthians 8.27.1: And Jesus dragged the sissies from their safe space and exhorted, "C'mon, be a fuckin' man!"

In similar denial is fashion designer/director Tom Ford. "If you said name 10 things that define me," he says, "being gay wouldn’t make the list." Wow. I'm not saying it has to be in the top three, but if it's not top ten you have a problem. When "being gay" drops below "enthusiastic ice skater" and "Fiestaware collector" I'm thinking there's something wrong inside your head.

Ford compares himself to Christopher Isherwood. "There are many gay characters in his works," Ford says, "because his work is so autobiographical, but their gayness isn’t the focus."

Maybe I'm having an acid flashback, but that was called "being in the closet" in my day.

Ford says, "The one thing I liked about Isherwood’s work -- especially when I was younger and grappling with my sexuality -- is that there was no issue about it in his writing."

On the other hand, normal teenagers who read Mr. Isherwood's works notice that all the heterosexuals are running around having fun and screwing everything that moves while the homosexuals return to their hotel rooms alone to think about Berlin and arrange flowers. Admire Mr. Isherwood's discretion if you want -- we have yet to find a film of him instructing us on how to spell F-E-L-L-A-T-I-O -- but considering he was quite promiscuous, I'm thinking somebody needs to refresh his memory on what "autobiographical" means.