Monday, November 30, 2009

Thank you for buying a sex doll from Bird Industries. A sex doll is a great investment and a perfect gift. Most men have videogame systems, or juke boxes, or pool tables, yet very few have high-quality sex dolls. When properly maintained, your sex doll will give you far more pleasure than any of these. A good host should always have a sex doll on hand, because sometimes the guys just don't want to play Wii.

Your doll is made of high-quality rubber and dirt will not permeate it. We here at Bird Industries, though, believe a gentleman should always restore a lady to the cleanliness she showed before your encounter. This is why we include a tiny cleaning kit with every sex doll including:

-- a tiny bottle of Formula 409
-- a very small squeegee
-- a miniature Wet & Dri vacuum with six-inch hose

You don't need to clean your sex doll after every "date." Just wipe her down with a damp cloth. We recommend a thorough cleaning at least once a month, however. Think of Francine like your car: just park her in the garage on most nights, but she'll need a real going-over, inside and out, after ten or twelve times of riding her home.

Avoid the use of harsh chemicals such as paint thinner or acetone in cleaning your doll. We don't recommend giving your doll "love bites," no matter how affectionate you feel. While we're sure Francine returns your feelings, her flesh isn't as resilient as the real thing, and really, it's like eating tofu.

If your doll appears to be deflating, check for leaks by immersing her nude body into the tub. I don't think I need to remind you to MAKE SURE THE CURTAINS ARE DRAWN.

If your doll appears dry, use any over-the-counter hand cream or moisturizer, such as Jergens or Oil of Olay, to lubricate it. Rub the lotion all over your doll, making sure to get it deep into all the nooks and crannies, but don't get carried away. Remember -- that's what got Francine into this state in the first place.

Once again, thank you for buying from Bird Industries. And on second thought, maybe you should probably just crumple up this sheet and throw it away.

If you were any good at following directions, you wouldn't be fucking a doll in the first place.

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