From My Inbox

Master RomanHans:

There be millions of Olde Englishmen in the New World today, and I daresay you insult every one with the wretched palaver which you so freely distribute. You wish me graveled, no doubt, but i'll chaffe with you and I'll have you know, I smell thy rat!

Thou actually contend "He witnesseth" is proper grammar? All and sundry know in sooth, they are the words of a jesting monkey, as much as thou might proclaim "I gone to the store." Of similar ilk, "malefactors . . . doth" and "yon morrow" be devilish spectacle rather than propertly-comported King's English.

Wiseacre, guard thy tongue! Thou be a pus-filled blight upon a sow's arse, and it shall be your haslet which boils over. We base wretches flee the distant old country, and the iron fist of George II, to eke out hardscrabble existence in this incarnadine land, and for what? So some illiterate ponce can make merry of our language, with all "Prithee this" and "Gadzooks that"?

I don't think so, asshole.

Your faithful servant,
Bumbletort the butcher