Exactly one year ago tomorrow, Sarah Palin didn't become the first female vice president of the United States. Instead, she's become one of our most controversial politicians.

The Daily Beast got an advance copy of Sarah from Alaska, a new Palin biography, and it includes the speeches Palin loyalist and speechwriter Matt Scully scripted for her on election night: one to accept victory, and one to acknowledge defeat.

Knowing what a rogue she is, McCain didn't let her give the latter speech, but let's look at highlights from both speeches and discuss.


VICTORY
Thank you all so much. . . . [M]y luck began long [ago], in having parents like Chuck and Sally Heath . . . and then blending into an accepting, loyal, fun, and diverse family.

"Diverse": forty-three upper-middle class whites plus one handicapped kid.

Had it gone the other way tonight, we would not have returned in sorrow to the great State of Alaska.

We'd have happily scampered back to quit our jobs and go on a book tour.

I will remember all the young girls who came up to me to our rallies, sometimes taking off from school, just to see only the second women [sic] ever nominated by a major party in a national election. They know that in America there should be no ceilings on achievement, glass or otherwise.

God knows even Rosie O'Donnell couldn't break through a stucco one.

How could I ever forget a boy like Charlie, a fine young man we met at a rally in Florida who has Down Syndrome? Charlie and I swapped email addresses, and the last time he replied he said, "By the way, please don't call me 'darlin' -- it's not tough enough." So, tonight, a special shout-out to you, Chuck . . . darlin'.

CHARLIE: You bitch!


DEFEAT
Thank you all so much. It's been just 68 days since that afternoon in Dayton, Ohio, when Senator McCain introduced me as his running mate. . . . [I]t was not our time, not our moment. But it is our country: the winner will be our president.

We double-checked with the Supreme Court, and really there's no way around it.

[W]hen a black citizen prepares to fill the office of Washington and Lincoln, that is a shining moment in our history that can be lost on no one.

Wait: somebody's seen that birth certificate, right?

God bless you and your beautiful family, President-Elect Obama.

All black? NOT DIVERSE.

As for my own family, well, it's been quite a journey these past 69 days.

Yes, a day has elapsed since this speech started.

There are a lot of men in this world could [sic] learn a few things from Todd Palin.

Lesson #1: If your wife's got bucks, quit your job and race dogs.

Now, at least, he can clear his schedule, and get ready for championship title number five in the Iron Dog snow machine race!

Well, or come in sixth.

[I]f I could help point the way for . . . young women, or inspire them to use their own gifts and find their own opportunities, it was a privilege.

And if I could teach this speechwriter English, it was my pleasure.

It would be a happier night if elections were a test of valor and merit alone. . . .

Instead of competitive eating and freestyle rap.

Now it is time for us go our way, neither bitter nor vanquished, but instead confident in the knowledge that there will be another day, and we may gather once more, and find new strength, and rise to fight again. Thank you all. May God protect, guide, and bless America!

Mark my words: you'll see us again, and not just Full Monty in Playgirl. Until then, thank you for taking us all into your hearts: Bristol, Todd, Tag, Tugger, Tiltdown, and especially brave little Thigger, my grandson -- son -- grandson -- son.