The New York Times Tells Us Where to Go

Since my daughter's nanny had the day off, I spent most of yesterday locked in the drawing room, planning our upcoming holiday. Luckily the New York Times printed their picks for the top vacation destinations of 2008, so I relied on that. Here are some of their choices along with the reasons they got picked, and where I decided Madasyn and I would go.

1. Laos, home of the "seriously upscale Résidence Phou Vao." This is a definite finalist! Nothing says war is over like a three hundred dollar massage.

2. Lisbon: "Designer hotels like Fontana Park and Jerónimos 8."

3. Tunisia: "A new wave of stylish boutique hotels . . . drawing increasing numbers of well-heeled travelers." Oh, puh-leeze! It takes more than overpriced hotels to draw my friends' attention: we need a Gordon Ramsey restaurant too.

4. Mauritius: "new hotels are opening up, including a Four Seasons resort." Tempting, but I'm not going anywhere I can't find on a map unless Angelina's bought a kid there.

5. Mid-Beach, Miami: "Future [hotels] include Gansevoort South, a W Hotel and [an] outpost of the members-only Soho House."

6. South Beach, Miami has "a red carpet of designer hotels." I totally agree with the Times: two of the world's ten best destinations are in Florida. Now I betcha they go and spoil it by building a museum there.

7. Maldives: "Among the high-end hotels expected to open next year is a Regent Hotels & Resorts with 50 villas. . . . "

9. Courchevel: "Le Padisha ups the ante with rustic-chic apartments starting at . . . $1.95 million. . . . " Well, the price is right, but Madasyn convinced me to cross this place off the list, saying "rustic" probably means "no concierge."

10. Libya: "Luxury hotels and golf courses are planned. . . ." Now, this is a refreshing thought! Some people are mad because the Libyans bombed some plane, but frankly I'd rather plummet to earth than eat another one of United's in-flight meals.

13. Sylt: “[the] Hamptons of Germany”

14. Prague: "[B]ohemians have left for cheaper rents, and youth hostels are being squeezed by luxe hotels." Well, that's two feathers in its Louis Vuitton hat, but I'm guessing it's still foreign and really old.

15. Quito: "[A] crop of upscale hotels has arrived. . . . "

17. Munich: "[There's a] posh new hotel in the heart of the city. . . . "

18. Iran: "Upscale tour operators are tiptoeing [in]. . . . [T]he luxury cruise liner Silversea will make stops. . . ." Something about Iran scares me, though I can't put my finger on it. I'm thinking Madasyn and I would want to stay on the ship along with all the gays who didn't want to be killed.

19. Tuscany: Madasyn will be pleased to know there's a new golf course, since she says those lavender hills are tired tired tired.

20. Anguilla: "[T]he Viceroy Anguilla . . . will have 172 luxury accommodations, a 15,000-square-foot spa and beach clubs set along 3,200 feet of private waterfront."

21. Bogotá: "A new Hilton hotel is being built. . . . " A Hilton? Is that the best they can do? I'm not fighting some bitch with a security wand unless I know there's at least a W waiting when I land.

22. Playa Blanca, Panama: "Nikki Beach, the très chic beach club in South Beach and St.-Tropez, is opening a gated resort. . . . " This made my list of finalists. Madasyn has a hard time relaxing when she knows the natives can get close.

23. Alexandria: "a new Four Seasons"

24. Mazatlán: "A half-dozen resorts are now in the works, including Diamond Beach, a $1.2 billion development with high-rise hotels, a golf course and condominiums." Cross off this one, right off the bat. Accent e, it's near Gay Paree. Accent a, it's down Mexico way.

25. St. Lucia: "[B]ig-name resorts with $1,000 rooms are on the way."

26. Oslo: "[Set to open next year are] two new design hotels: Thon Hotel Gyldenlove and Grims Grenka Hotel." Definitely a no-go in this upper-class household. "Grims Grenka" sounds simply dreadful, and "Gyldenlove" sounds Brokeback-Mountainy.

28. Rimini, Italy has "designer hotels [like] the new DuoMo hotel."

29. Malawi: "[T]he luxury lodge Pumulani is set to open 10 villas. . . ."

30. Roatán: "[T]he Westin Resort & Spa Roatan [is] scheduled to open. . . ."

31. Mozambique: "High-end lodges . . . are being built along the Bazaruto Archipelago. . . . " Here's another finalist. Little Madasyn is sooo eco-conscious. She just loves playing with endangered species.

32. Kuwait City: "[A] slate of opulent hotels [is opening]. The most talked-about is the Hotel Missoni. . . ." Well, what people are saying is, "Bring fireproof clothing," but you didn't hear it from me.

33. Verbier: "Verbier will get decidedly more upper class when the Lodge . . . opens. . . . The nine-bedroom chalet [will cost] well over $70,000 [a week]." Madasyn's daddy would not be happy about that kind of bill. He wouldn't even pay for my Escalade until I told him I needed the money because Madasyn fell off a horse.

34. Lombok: "There's already an Oberoi and other high-end hotels are on the way." An Oberoi in Lombok? Sounds like the complications I got when I had my Vaginoplasty.

36. Easter Island "is getting its first luxury resort. . . . A three-night stay for two people starts at $3,588." It's a step in the right direction, but I'm not setting foot in the place until they give all those big stone things brow lifts.

37. Virgin Gorda: "The Aquamare is set to open in March with . . . weekly rates starting at $12,500."

38. Namibia: "Many lodges have just been refurbished with stylish décor and matching rates. . . . Kempinski Hotels is planning five luxury hotels to open in the next few years." Awfully tempting, but I think I'll pass until Oprah says it's safe.

41. Itacaré, Brazil: "[T]he Warapuru, a lavish eco-resort, is expected to finally open next year." Here's another "almost." I find ecoconservation perfectly acceptable as long as it's done on a lavish scale.

45. Málaga: "The southern coast of Spain is not just about high-rise hotels and water-gulping golf courses." Hmm. Wondering why it made the list.

47. London: "[S]upertrendy restaurants like Acorn House [have] local foodies in a tizzy. Next up? A Renaissance Hotel with a ballroom." The words "ball room" give Madasyn nightmares, ever since she went to a school chum's birthday party and they took her to a Chuck E. Cheese.

48. Vietnam: Not for me. Four new golf courses, it says. How ridiculous, recommending a sedate, serene little country for its golf courses. What's the shopping like?

49. Essaouira: "[W]ell-heeled Europeans are heading [there]. . . ."

50. Las Vegas: "In case you missed those big gold letters, Donald T-R-U-M-P is coming to the Las Vegas Strip." And so are we! It's about time Madasyn met D-A-D-D-Y.

The 53 Places to Go in 2008