Monday, November 19, 2007

The Young and the Clueless

So-called "intelligent" people love to look down on soap opera fans. Those shows are so awful, so preposterous, they say, there's no way anybody with a brain could watch. How could a reasonable, thinking adult get caught up in the petty little dramas of people who bear absolutely no relation to themselves?

Ask a sports fan. They're waaay stupider than soap fans, and I'll happily enumerate the ways.


  • Soap fans don't spend half their work day creating imaginary shows populated with their favorite characters, and then guess which one would be better.


  • Anthony Geary was ridiculously popular, but you didn't see guys wandering around New York wearing a replica of one of his shirts.


  • There's nothing Helen Wagner can do to make a soap fan buy an six-dollar hot dog.


  • Eight soap fans won't go to a taping of their favorite show with the word "PASSIONS" painted across their bare chests.


  • Not one of Eric Braeden's fans knows how many errors he made in 1962.


  • "General Hospital" watchers don't need a guy running around dressed as a chicken to hold their interest during the slow parts.


  • Soap fans won't pay $1200 for tickets to a taping of "All My Children," then call radio programs complaining that Susan Lucci is overpaid.


  • "One Life to Live" fans don't scream at their TVs, thinking it'll affect the outcome of the show.


  • Soap fans aren't going to pay two hundred bucks for a pair of Air Alfonsos.


  • Even the dumbest soap opera lover wouldn't go to a movie where Mark Consuelos helps the Looney Toons fight a group of marauding aliens.


  • "Days of Our Lives" fans don't put on their "lucky underwear" thinking it'll magically transform Deirdre Hall into a competent actress.


  • If Soap Opera Illustrated sent out an issue containing nothing but pictures of nearly-naked women, their readers would think something was wrong.


  • At a soap convention, you won't see a fan with "ATWT" shaved into the hair on their back.



4 comments:

jeesau said...

That photo gave me the dry heaves. Also, I think I know that guy!

RomanHans said...

Actually, I thought I recognized the guy too. But my friend has the number 8 shaved into his back hair, so I knew it couldn't be him.

The photo is the main reason I posted this: I just had to share it and get two thousand people all going "ECHHH!" at once.

And if hairy dude comes here, no offense! I know probably fifty people who'd leap into the sack with you, no matter what number you are.

Anonymous said...

That photo gave me the dry heaves.

word.

Anonymous said...

No.....words....oh my ugh yeck! Okay, so a few words.

TOodles

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