Craft Day

Call me sentimental, but I like to use the holiday season to reconnect with everybody that I've lost touch with during the year. Oddly, though, the majority of these people seem to be guys I had crazy, wall-rattling sex with while we were both totally smashed.

Maybe I'm overly picky, but I don't feel right sending these guys cards with the baby Jesus or angels or even Santa on them. After scouring eight Hallmark stores for the appropriate card, I decided to leap into the lurch myself. Using just Google images and Photoshop, I've made a festive, non-secular card that will bring a smile to the face of even the roughest trick.

Print the first image on the right side of an 8 1/2" x 11" sheet, then flip it over and print the second image on the right side of the reverse. Fold it down the middle and presto! A holiday greeting for all your long-lost drunken-sex pals.