Luckily, the enterprising folks at Chipotle came up with a way we can do both. I just got an email advertising a fundraising dinner for the Boy Scouts!
See, the Scouts are in trouble. They're weeding out all the suspected homosexuals from their ranks, which makes the liberals angry. They say that since Scouting is only open to some Americans, it shouldn't be funded by them all.
Me, I don't think the Scouts need to go that far. I say make a merit badge for Outing, and let the gay kids choose if they wanna stay in or not. My boy Ryan is a master at picking out pansies, and I'd hate to think he's been doing it just for fun. Since the gays rarely bring up their sexual preference, Ryan has developed a couple different strategies to get them to confess.
First, there's the hot-chick test. He points off into the distance and yells, "Look at that hot naked chick!" It's simple but effective, because every time he does it he gets the names of a couple more kids who don't turn.
Second, there's name-calling. Ryan says you only have to call a kid "faggot" ten or fifteen times before they lose the will to fight back.
Anyway, the liberals convinced the government to stop giving us tax dollars, which is why we really appreciate Chipotle doing fundraising for us. It helps us keep going without the kids we don't want, and it sends a message to all the left-wing activists that even if they can get the government to stop supporting a discriminatory organization, there are overpriced burrito-vendors who will.
So come one, come all! Show those militant lefties that we don't need them, and support your local Boy Scouts. Who knows, maybe if this is a popular event, Chipotle will fund other struggling organizations. Look for next week's announcement about the Barstow branch's benefit for Americans Against Illegal Immigration!
Just don't forward that email to any of Chipotle's kitchen staff.
3 comments:
the response I got from Chipotle,
Theo,
Yes, our marketing people in NY weren't aware that there were any issues with the Boy Scouts before (neither were the rest of us apparently). We will be more careful in the future. We don't support bigotry in any way, shape, or form. Thanks for your patience.
Sincerely,
Joe Sxxxx
Manager, Duct Tape and Plungers
Chipotle
---------------------------------------------------------
From: Theo Geer(theogeer@gmail.com)
Sent: 11/14/2007 8:58:03 AM
Store Visited: Lots
Date Visited: All the Time
Comments:
Hey,
I love Chipotle. I enjoy the food, atmosphere, and the positive health you promote through your use of organic and free-range products.
Unfortunately, it has come to my attention that your philanthropic participation is, hopefully inadvertantly, supporting an organization that promotes discrimination and hatred of gay youth.
The Boy Scouts of America is a religiously based youth organization that teaches survival skills, teamwork, homophobia, and hate. It is an organization that has recently been denied federal funding for it's homophobic policies, and promotes discrimination against gay members.
As a gay man, I believe it is the responsibility of each person, and of responsible organizations such as yours, to put forth effort to alleviate and eliminate the damage that our culture does to itself on a daily basis. For me, having been an emotionally tortured child, the issue of acceptance for gay youth is one of paramount importance. I feel it is inappropriate of Chipotle to support the Boy Scouts of America as long as they continue to promote discrimination and hatred of gay youth.
While I believe it is too late to reneg on the offers and contracts this franchised branch of Chipotle has made, I feel it would be appropriate for Chipotle to address their corporate philanthropic policy to prevent your name from being used to support homophobic organizations.
Thank you for your time and attention,
Sincerely,
Theo Geer
Please Review: http://worldclassstupid.blogspot.com/2007/11/get-gas-and-quash-militant-homosexual.html
Thanks for the info, Theo. I mailed Joe before I posted this story and he never responded.
I guess Joe's explanation is believable, though I don't see how anybody could have missed the whole BS controversy. At least one of the folks who commented in my "Gay Olympics" thread, though, didn't have a clue about that era of gay history, so maybe they're as clueless as they say.
Meanwhile, that's a great letter you wrote. Glad to have you fighting for our side!
I'm just amazed, really really amazed that their marketing people weren't aware of any issues with the BSA. Those are marketing people who should be fired, or reprimanded crazily. That's a huge flub.
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