Tuesday, December 10, 2013

You had to tell people you were sick of vampires, right? Because now we've got to prepare ourselves for the next supernatural creature tsunami. Judging by Channing Tatum in "Jupiter Ascending" and Evangeline Lilly in "The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug," 2014 will be the year of the sexy elf.

So thank you very much. I breathlessly await scintillating dialog like this:

  • "Just lie back and let me make you cookies."

  • "You're tired of people talking about your ears? Okay. I can see your point."

  • "Are you happy to see me or is that a pocketful of Reindeer Chow?"

  • "Yeah, baby! I'm going to start calling you Lord of the Schwings."

  • "Well, I've got a bridge to sell you. Just not the one I live underneath."

  • "Norse mythology? Judging by what's in those little green shorts you should be in horse mythology too."

  • "Mmm -- I never thought one of Santa's Helpers would want to go down to the South Pole."

  • "My enchanted forest has never seen a mushroom like that."

  • "Sweetie, that's not what I meant when I said I was tired of fuckin' fairies."

  • "No, seriously. I really just want to put a ribbon around your Mouse Trap."

  • "I'm very sorry; I never should have said I wanted to munch on your Lucky Charms."

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