Friday, December 13, 2013

Holiday Songs for Fox News and Florida

In The Home Of A Stranger

In the home of a stranger, in a Sealy bed
the little Lord Jesus lays down his sweet head.
With Joseph and Mary and the rifle he flaunts,
the little Lord Jesus sleeps wherever he wants.

Grandma Took A Shot At Santa's Reindeer

Grandma took a shot at Santa's reindeer
with a Smith and Wesson, I believe.
Santa learned he shouldn't land on condos,
and we ate Donner chops on Christmas eve.

Winter Wonderland

Sleigh bells ring: won't they quiet them?
In the lane, I've a riot gun.
I'm firing away
the Florida way
People need to learn not to make noise.

In the meadow we can build a snowman
and pretend that he is Parson Benz.
I hope no one bothers Mr. Snowman
I've got no problem shooting all my friends.

Later on, we'll conspire,
As we dream by the fire.
In our crosshair:
and walking in a winter wonderland.

I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
but there are black people around.
When the car alarm goes off,
the armed man shows off
his pistol, aiming toward the sound.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
with every bystander I fight.
May your days be merry and bright,
and may all your Christmases be white.

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