You asked and we answered! Restless Rhino Records is proud to announce a brand new collection of Nina Simone's dreariest hits. This special release will be available only in 2014, and features such heart-flattening tunes as:
- Why? (The King of Love Is Dead)
- My Sweet Lord/Today Is a Killer
- Go To Hell
- I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel to Be Free
- Why Must Your Love Well Be so Dry
- Nobody Knows You When You're Down
- Either Way I Lose
- Don't Explain
- Save Me
- Isn't It A Pity?
- Ain't No Use
That's a whole lot of music for manic depression, yours for just $19. But wait! There's more! Pry open those swollen eyes to get a gander at these sad-sack songs:
- If I Should Lose You
- He Ain't Comin' Home No More
- Take My Hand Precious Lord
- Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
- How Long Must I Wonder
- Who Am I?
- The Desperate Ones
- In Love in Vain
- The Other Woman
- I Can't See Nobody
- Ain't Got No
- Mississippi Goddam
Sounds great, right? BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! We've also included a special CD of the Sad-Sack Songbird's somberest ditties about drugs, getting old, a lack of traffic, and rapidly-changing atmospheric conditions.
- The Pusher
- Who Knows Where The Time Goes
- Lonesome Cities
- Everyone's Gone to the Moon
- The House of the Rising Sun
- I Think It's Going to Rain Today
And you can have ALL that for just -- wait!!! WE'RE STILL NOT DONE!!! If you act by midnight tonight, we'll throw in the Down-In-The-Dumps Diva's dreariest love songs:
- The Human Touch
- Do What You Gotta Do
- Don't Take All Night
- Consummation
- Don't Smoke In Bed
- Love Me Or Leave Me
- My Man's Gone Now
- You Took My Teeth
Sadly, this amazing talent has been lost forever. The bitter balladeer's fans can only dream about the violin-tinged tunes she'd compose about recycling, or Sea World, or Spotify. Still, you'll find yourself playing these songs over and over, like when you throw a party and your guests won't go home, or when you're going to a funeral and you want it to look like you care.
Don't ask your local retailer for this collection: instead, find it in the stacks and take it up to the counter while frantically yelling, "YOU'VE GOT TO SELL THIS TO ME NOW!!!"
2 comments:
Bah. Nye kulturny! Listen to her "Pirate Jenny" and it will make you poop in your pants from fright.
Hey, I adore her. She's up there with the Taj Mahal in terms of World Wonder. And every year I put on one of her records, only to stick my head in the oven before the third song starts. Like they say, she runs the gamut of emotion from A to B, and if somebody could put together, say, "Upbeat Nina Simone," "Mellow Nina Simone," or "Harmless Fun with Nina Simone," I'd give them a foot massage every day of their life.
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