How West Side Story Would Change If It'd Been Written By Rogers & Hammerstein

• The song "I Want To Live In America" mentions thirteen types of pie.


• Instead of knife fights, the Sharks and Jets have yodeling competitions.


• Maria sings "I Feel Pretty" after making a dress out of wrapping paper and Bubble Yum.


• Maria endears herself to the Jets by teaching them how to play the spoons.


• The song "I Just Met A Girl Named Maria" has a chorus about goatherds.


• The fight scenes are choreographed by Kenny Ortega.


• In bed, Tony shows Maria his skill with finger puppets.


• Officer Krupke isn't an idiot.


• The line "There's a place for us" is followed by eighteen kids yelling, "VIENNA!"


• What kills Tony? Acute peritonitis.

How The Sound of Music Would Change If It'd Been Written By Leonard Bernstein

• Maria is kicked out of the convent because she's pregnant.


• When Maria says "fa" means a long, long way to run, some white kids hit her with a rock.


• The Nazis are played by Sal Mineo and Montgomery Clift.


• Maria's favorite things include pony kegs and Nine Inch Nails.


• When Liesl sings that she needs someone older and wiser, Rolf suggests Swami Vivekananda.


• The kids entertain party guests by playing mumblypeg.


• The answer to "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria"? Asphyxiation.