Jeez Louise, it seems like everybody's screaming over this ridiculous little Toddlers & Tiaras fiasco. Well, I've heard enough. It's time to put in my two cents.

Wendy Dickey, a pageant mom, entered her three-year-old daughter Paisley in a kiddie beauty pageant. The pageant, naturally, included a costume competition, and the theme was Celebrity Wear. The kids had to dress like celebrities.

Ms. Dickey thought long and hard about this, and finally decided Paisley would dress like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

After the episode aired, the doo-doo hit the fan. How dare a child dress like a hooker! everyone screamed. What kind of lesson is this for a kid?

Well, I've stayed silent too long. It's time somebody defended Ms. Dickey. I see absolutely no problem with what she did, and that's not just because she too names her children after fabric.

First, maybe Julia Roberts started out as a whore, but she ended up married to a gorgeous billionaire. I'd have no problem with little Houndstooth stalking the streets if I knew she was gonna be banged by Richard Gere. And second, I hear Ms. Dickey wanted to dress Paisley like Gandhi but white makes her look washed out.

In a stroke of brilliance, though, Ms. Dickey has found a way to stem the controversy: she's going to sell the costume and donate the proceeds to charity.

Her charity choice? Georgia Right to Life, an anti-abortion organization whose mission is "Protecting innocent life from fertilization until natural death."

I'm not real sure about this part, because do we really need to protect innocent life from fertilization? Honestly, how much harm can a sperm do to --

Oh. I get it now.

Anyway, that's just my opinion, but I hope you agree. And if you see the outfit on eBay, please bid on it. You'd help preserve the sanctity of human life, and get that extra little bonus of being able to dress your daughter like a whore.