I'm sure you've heard about the funding crisis facing America's postal service. Over the next month, Congress will be forced to make major decisions about the future of the postal service. Well, concerned citizens have banded together to fight back. Without our immediate help, our local post offices and their employees are in danger!

We all must do our part to ensure that the hardworking men and women of USPS are protected, and toward that end September 27 has been named "Save America's Postal Service" Day. All across the country, From 4 p.m. to 5:30 p.m., rallies will be held to send an unmistakable message to the nation and to Congress: an attack on the post office is an attack on us!

If you'd like to attend, find the right form and fill it out. It's in quadruplicate, and you have to use pen. No, I don't have a fuckin' pen, I'm a writer, not a stationary store. No, sweetheart, that's the wrong form. You can be smart and cute but not both at once, huh? And no, you can't just stand there and fill it out. You think I want to stare at your face all day? Go somewhere else. Go over there. What? No, don't come back over here: I'll be at lunch. No, don't go back to the end of the line. Just cut right back up front. Nobody will hit you. They're still sore from that fight yesterday.

Anyway, everybody please come to the rallies. Your help is desperately needed, or my name ain't Miss Simmons. Honey, I know my badge says EDNA but nowhere does it say you can call me that. Don't bring anything fragile, liquid, or perishable. Bottled water? Are you fuckin' listening to me? Oh, fuck it -- you all stay fuckin' home.