I totally thought they were kidding when I heard there was a movie called I Don't Know How She Does It.

I mean, that's not a movie title. That's an expression of admiration. That's wishful thinking. That's what Gladys Kravitz screams on Bewitched.

I'm picturing Sarah Jessica Parker in the phone with her agent. "So," he says, "we got possible new projects for you. You interested in reading Fahrenheit 452?"

Sarah waits until the wrought-iron gates open and makes a left onto Beverly Drive. "That sounds like a total downer."

"Yeah, I gotcha. A Brief History of Time?"

Sarah slides up her sunglasses and glances at herself in the rear-view mirror. "I dunno. I mean, how important is my character if they're not even in the title?"

"Okay, maybe you'll like this one: I Don't Know How She Does It."

Sarah slams on the brakes, making the yellow Yugo behind her nearly swerve into a Bentley. "Get that messengered over to me now."

I've spent all morning on it, and I can't think of another opinion that also serves as a movie title. If You Put Catsup On Pastrami You're An Asshole turns up nothing on IMDB. There's no copyright on Dudes In Bow Ties Make Me Wet. No, this is a first: the most important thing to know about this movie is some anonymous person caught a glimpse of Sarah Jessica Parker and just had to express envy.

Yes, Sarah can do it all! She's that fabled woman who juggles a job, a family, and a beautiful home. And, for a short time, you can watch her! Pay thirteen dollars to admire somebody doing something you'll never achieve, before going home to your hovel and staring at the moldy pickles in the back of your fridge.

Sadly, I think this says a lot about chicks: like, they're masochistic. Dudes won't pay to watch somebody do something they'll never manage. There's not going to be a line for I Can't Believe His Fabulous Sex Techniques. No guy would go see He's Just 23, And Already A CEO. You know what movie would make less than Mars Needs Moms? I'm Just In Awe Of His Posture!

Still, it's grossing millions. The audience is totally there. I congratulate Ms. Parker on discovering a movie franchise that can follow her throughout life, and though I'll probably dodge She Actually Remembered Where She Put Her Car Keys, I wouldn't miss She Ran Two Blocks Without A Piddle.