Of course, I haven't actually seen the movie, but I won't let that stop me. I mean, when I heard it was about a white person helping another white person, I thought, what? Did all those fabulous white folks already fix all the blacks?
I know Michelle Pfeiffer was keeping the black teens in high school, Hillary Swank was getting them into college, and Sandra Bullock was helping the oversized ones play pro football. But did that fix them all? Is the genre finished? Are we going to start seeing whites help other white people now?
Theoretically I'm all for that, just as equal opportunity, but in reality it means another black man is out of a job. Given the choice, I'd rather have The King's Speech follow the usual formula. I've rather see a white dude help a black dude. I'd rather see a black king.
See, when movies are historically accurate, they portray a time when minorities were second-class citizens. To do this, though, they have to treat minorities as second-class citizens again. "We're portraying a terrible time in history here," the casting agent says. "So white people only, please!"
I'm picturing the casting call: how do you dodge the words "MINORITIES NEED NOT APPLY"? It's like those Civil War reenactments. The folks running it could be pillars of tolerance, but if you're Chinese and you want to take part, better bring fake pigtails and a bottle of Tide.
Really, I don't see anything wrong with watching history reenacted with different faces. It's all about pretending, isn't it? I don't think anybody's going to storm out screaming because women never served in the real cavalry, and General Ulysses S. Grant didn't have an Afro. And frankly, I think The King's Speech would have been better with a black king, because at least there would have somebody to root for.
As it is, I'm just not getting the empathy. I'm not understanding the conflict. We're supposed to root for the rich white guy to win? People in the audience are sitting with their fingers crossed thinking, "PLEASE prove that nepotism works!"? Really? That's the cliffhanger? If the king can stop stuttering, it'll show there's nothing wrong with a system of Caucasian control passed down as birthright. If he fails, the angry demons of democracy may rear their ugly heads, and power may shift to the ill-mannered, or beige.
Yes, I realize with a black king the movie would have been totally exploitative, because that's the way Hollywood works. The two main characters would have been slightly rewritten.
I think I nailed it. Dawg, that speech went aiight.
GEOFFREY RUSH
If you'll pardon my saying, sire, you may have alienated some of the crowd by describing everything as "mothafuckin'."
BLACK KING
Do you think so? I was surprised that so few people put their hands in the air.
GEOFFREY RUSH
Also, my liege, I believe your subjects might be more receptive to your message if you didn't automatically end every line with, "Know what I'm sayin'?"
BLACK KING
Servant, you have crossed the line of insubordinance here. Are you daring to disrespect me? I'm your mothafuckin' KING, know what I'm -- (SIGHS.) Merciful heavens, will our ceaseless toil never end?
If the film has to be all white, there's a simple fix there too. Show that, in the end, the system is fucked. Let the king disappear in a yellow spiral as he announces, "Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-... That's all, folks!"
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