Friday, March 5, 2010

Hello, new resident, and welcome to the Cigar Factory Lofts! As you've perhaps noticed, things have changed just slightly since you signed your lease.

The Cigar Factory lofts have a significant place in Brooklyn history, originally built in 1842. This old warehouse has been extensively refurbished, leaving decorative elements such as exposed brick and beams, and now it's a tranquil oasis providing the perfect antidote to harried city life.

On the ground floor, you'll enjoy the special chilled Fresh Direct room, where your groceries will be safely stored until you arrive home, just off the lobby. You'll love working out in the fitness center and stretching in the yoga room just off the hall. You'll sleep better knowing there's a business center, a relaxation lounge, and a clean and spacious laundry room open twenty-four hours a day downstairs.

For your computing ease there's state-of-the-art wiring by Time Warner cable, and free wi-fi, so you won't have to mingle with the masses in the laundromat across the street where a dollar buys three minutes on an old PC.

Your unit has also been designed with high-end tastes in mind. In your bathroom, notice the hand-forged curtain rod, the hand-painted shower curtain, the hand-crafted hardware, and the spacious, imported medicine chest.

Your unit has been supplied with gas heating and a top-of-the-line gas stove which you can use to cook gourmet meals that your guests will admire while you think back to a harder time, before the building was hooked up to the natural gas pipeline, when people had to cook on campstoves.

Anyway, welcome to the building! Make sure to tell your friends about Tork Brothers Development, and keep an eye out for the new condos we're building elsewhere around the city. But this summer, we'll see you, margaritas in hand, lounging and enjoying the views on the roof.


D said...

Yet Another Steve said...

What, you expect truth from a New York landlord? Hey, I just learned how to lay golden eggs, contact me for pricing and subscription information.

David said...

Oh dear.