Thursday, January 14, 2010

The world is chock full of challenges today. First, the Valleywag blog is offering big money for sneak previews of Apple's new "Tablet." I'm thinking it's a Ten Commandments kind of tablet rather than a Contac kind, though frankly if Apple went with the latter I know I'd buy it more than all that wirey, boot-up, downloady kind of stuff.

They've actually written up a price list based on the information you give them, like $10,000 for a picture of the thing. (I'm exploiting the fact they didn't use the word "photo" and sketching my guess in charcoal right now. I'm leaving the details vague but the shading is remarkable.) $20,000 for video of one in action.

And at this point we start to think, aren't electronics people strange? Frankly, I wouldn't pay $20,000 for video of Batman in action.

$50,000 for pictures or video of Steve Jobs holding one. (This one seems a little snippy. Would I get less with other celebs? If I find a picture of Gary Coleman holding one, should I even bother sending it in? Do I get more if he's wearing a plaid shirt or eating a taco?)

Last but not least, $100,000 to provide them with the real thing for one hour.

Men being men, Valleywag has gotten several salacious comments from guys offering more fleshy playthings for considerably less money, but I'm thinking this new Tablet thing doesn't take six hours to reboot.

For people who couldn't find a nerd at a Star Trek convention, here's a challenge thrown down by the New York Times. Did you know there are people who never lock their front doors? Someone named Matt, for instance, who withholds his last name for security. He has three big-screen TVs. He lives on a "busy main street" in San Diego with two other guys and he's Hawaiian.

And right now there's forty people in San Diego going, "OH! Hawaiian Matt!" (If you don't know how white San Diego is, Matt might as well walk around wearing a lei.)

Last challenge? Get on the National No-Fly List by the time you're eight, like Michael Hicks of Clifton, New Jersey.

Good luck on that last one, though. You don't reach those heights just by nagging flight attendants for extra cookies. No, legend has it his diapers smelled worse than Delta's Codfish Fricassee.

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