Back in Malawi they're firing more broadsides against Pirate Madonna. Why doesn't that immoral hussy just mind her own business? those poor but humble people ask. On the Early Show this morning hardworking farmer James Kambewa said the godless pop star shouldn't be allowed to adopt four-year-old Chifundo ''Mercy'' James.

And we should listen to him, because he says he's probably the kid's dad.

''I want to take care of her, and I'm capable to take care of my baby,'' he said. ''Mercy, she is a Malawian -- so (I) need her to grow as a Malawian as well with our culture.''

He's so concerned about the girl's future, in fact, that one day he hopes to go to the orphanage to meet her.

You can't really blame the dude: I'd rather see Matt Lauer too.





Angels and Demons director Ron Howard said the Vatican tried to stop the movie by denying him permission to film just about anywhere in Rome. Not only was he forbidden from filming inside churches, he was even told he couldn't shoot any exterior scenes that had churches in the background.

The Vatican says these allegations are totally untrue and that Mr. Howard is just trying to drum up publicity.

Is this ridiculous? I'm thinking this is totally going to backfire, casting aspersions against the most trusted man in the world.

Like Opie would ever lie to us.