One busy afternoon I picked up a Quiznos sandwich and was startled by the vast chasm between reality and my mental picture (and, in fact, the picture in the window). Naturally I emailed to ask what was up. Basically I wanted to know why they hadn't been shut down by the fraud squad because, you know, you can't exactly advertise gorgeous sandwiches and then serve up stuff that looks like dog vomit.
I knew I had to be tactful if I wanted a reply, so I just asked why my sandwich didn't resemble the photo. Here's the reply I got:
Dear Mr. RomanHans,
I'm sorry to see your complaint about the T-B-G. [Ed. note: Turkey Bacon Guacamole.] You know, nobody can guarantee the real thing looks as same [sic] as the picture in advertisement. But I would like to honor you as our customer. I prepared a coupon of a free small toasty combo for you. Next time when you come to this store, you can get it from the cashier.
Sorry for your inconvience [sic] again!
Jasmine
Manager
Now, I appreciate the reply. Jasmine seems friendly and sweet and perky, and not at all like the rode-hard-and-put-away-wet chick who makes her food. But this wasn't anywhere close to a logical reply. "[N]obody can guarantee the real thing looks as same [sic] as the picture. . . ."? Really? So, can I advertise sensuous massage with a photo of a busty young blonde but then send a sweaty forty-year-old computer nerd on all my calls?
As for the offer, well, it took half the afternoon to get the tautology straight in my head. Yes, Jasmine is actually offering me free disgusting food to make up for serving me disgusting food.
Wish me luck. Oh, and email if you want a massage.
2 comments:
Questions of fraud aside (FIRMLY aside, hands over ears, can't hear them LA LA LA), a friend of mine who once did a commercial shared with me her surprise at finding there are actually "food stylists" out there who make the product look as tempting as possible, often rendering it inedible, before photographing it. My friend had to pick up a plate with a serving of lasagna on it, take a deep and ecstatic sniff and say "Mmmm, lasagna!" She said it was difficult to make a convincing yummy face because her eyes were watering and all she could think from the smell of the "lasagna" was "Ewww, turpentine!"
So, be of good cheer. If your (admittedly rather dog-poopish-looking) sandwich had looked just like the photo, it would probably have tasted like the paint solvents department at Home Depot.
Ch-ch-chain
Ch-ch-chain
Ch-ch-chayayayayan
Chain of fools.
You gets whats ya pays for. Try the independent corner deli next time.
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