Dear Hint:

Thanks! I totally thought it was recent, because I saw a whole bunch of airline baggage handlers dressed like Bing Crosby just the other day. Hmm, 1956. Is it Eleanor Roosevelt? The Cuban Missile Crisis? How the fuck is "1956" going to help? Wait: is this a photo of my grandparents fucking?


Oh, yes! What an idiot I am not to piece together a mental timeline for everything I own. Just think: back in my parents were young, peanut butter and jelly probably came in separate jars. Oh, the humanity! And I hear potato chips didn't even come in a can.

No, this email has totally turned my life around. I'm going to spend the rest of the day looking at everything I have and dwelling on how lucky I am to have it. In fact, first I'm going to go toss my plasma TV into a rose-petal strewn bubble bath, and then I'm going to masturbate grandpa. Thanks for sharing, email pal!