Well, I am just furious. This is ridiculous, like America has turned into a dictatorship. The California Coastal Commission won't let self-described environmentalist and U2 guitarist The Edge bulldoze a bunch of mountains in Malibu to build a gated compound picturesquely named Leaves In The Wind.

I mean, I understand it when they don't let Chevron drill in unspoiled Alaskan wilderness. I get it when they don't let Dow Chemicals dump a bunch of crap into the Mississippi River. But this is an AVOWED ENVIRONMENTALIST who wants to flatten these mountaintops. Surely they can cut him some slack! Why, after he's built his five mansions, each ranging up to 13,000 square feet in size, I'll pretty sure he'll recycle. Maybe he'll paint all the mansions with eco-friendly paint. Maybe he'll even plant native shrubbery around the Olympic-sized infinity pool.

Hell, even the Santa Monica Mountain Conservancy says this project is -- well, they don't say anything, actually, because they stopped saying negative stuff after The Edge promised to give them a million dollars. But if they could speak, I'll bet they'd say it's an architectural tour de force, or at least that the fence around it might not be electrified.

Rather than turning down this proposal, the Coastal Commission should jump at it. I mean, they say flattening a bunch of mountains would destroy the natural habitat of all sorts of animals, including deer, raccoons, and coyotes. But where do they get that information? I'll bet those critters are probably exhausted from always walking on a slant. I'll bet they'll love being able to walk on level ground for a change. I think after construction is completed they'll see tons of happy mountain lions relaxing on the grounds as if to say, "Thank you! Shit, my legs were fuckin' killing me."

Aside from providing much-needed housing for a dude with only eight other estates, think of what a great teaching opportunity this could be. When the people of Malibu look up at this fabulous development where the mountaintops used to be, maybe they'll see The Edge in one of his 4,000-square-foot kitchens rinsing and reusing Ziploc bags, and they'll say, "Wow, that The Edge really is a great role model for us all." And then maybe some of them will be inspired to flatten their own mountaintops and build eighty-seven bathroom palaces with Dr. Bronner's soap at every sink.