Love is the opening door
Love is what we came here for
No one could offer you more
Do you know what I mean?
Have your eyes really seen?
I never really liked this song by Elton John, but it's my own fault. I have a hard time accepting the hard-won wisdom of a gay man in rhinestone clown glasses and hair transplants who was married to a chick and fucked anything that moved.

Sorry, I digress. Have my eyes really seen what, Elton? Your collection of bleached chinchilla chubbies?

For some reason, Marianne Faithfull offers us a new version of this song on her new record Horses and High Heels. I don't know why. This isn't 1979. Maybe the rights to Lay Down (Candles in the Rain) were taken. But its uselessness pretty much sums up my feelings about Ms. Faithfull's whole record, which just got a rave from the New York Daily News. Such a talent, and so completely over. You want to call your grandma and thank her for just baking cookies rather than recording a world-weary version of Brand New Key.

As for the backing band, why, I'd recognize that balding whiteness anywhere. I've enjoyed these guys ever since they played old Lynyrd Skynyrd songs in somebody's garage in that Cialis commercial. Great work, guys. Every note's a gem. Now put down your instruments and high-five: Looks like Brad's got an erection, and there's not a moment to waste.