I'm not particularly old, but I'm old enough to remember when the Japanese liked old people. It was creepy. Seriously, if Moby turned up at their apartment and asked them to go clubbing, they'd say they'd rather stay home and watch grandma's skin dry out.

Thankfully, they've joined the rest of the world in realizing old people are actually disgusting. What's their main complaint, according to a new Japanese product? You'll probably guess if you've ever been downwind of grandpa:

This body odor is likely caused by NONENAL, a natural by-product of oxidized fatty acids produced in the sebaceous glands. It's a common occurrence as our skin matures, and is referred to as "Aging Odor Incidence" or "AOI."

Scoff if you want, but you can't write something off that's got its own acronym. I'd have gone for Grandma's Awful Stinking Pores, but I guess folks who make up medical conditions don't have as much spare time as the ones who write letters to Dan Savage.

This drawing convinces me Adult Onset Stink is a real problem.


I don't know what any of the words mean, but I saw those gray squiggles in a Peanuts cartoon when a bird farted on Charlie Brown.

While relatively unknown in the U.S., the people of Japan have long understood and treated this phenomenon, which affects men and women alike. Many women experience Nonenal during menopause. Men may start to experience AOI when they begin to reach their early 40's. Conventional body washes and deodorants might eliminate other forms of body odor, but not AOI.

Color me converted. Now all the mysteries of the Orient are falling into place. This explains why in kung fu movies all the young guys want to hit the old ones.

How do they fix Adult Onset Stink? Well, seaweed is one of the main ingredients in Mirai, a new body wash. Which makes sense, because nothing smells quite as fresh as old stuff from the sea. Just read these unsolicited testimonials:



"I had doubt." "I can't live without." "I feel very cleaner." "I don't care for lathering originally." Just because these New York women sound like Long Duk Dong in Sixteen Candles doesn't mean somebody made up the quotes.

The staff page is what convinces me to recommend Mirai for anybody suffering from Adult Onset Stink. Just look at their Science Team:


The message in their eyes is unmistakable: "I'm hot!", "I'm hot!", "I'm hot!", and "I finally got rid of my stink!"