I know everybody loves her
And I enjoy the way she sings
But dude, if you play one more song
I'm going to throw my onion rings.

I've got the C'mon, Guy, It's Been Forty-Six Tunes
Too Much Billie Holiday Blues.

I am sick and tired of her whining.
Girl should work instead of just cry.
My cousin Pam bought a Pinto
After eighteen months at DeVry.

I've got the Started Out Sad, Now I'm Steaming
Too Much Billie Holiday Blues.

Billie, maybe you'd find a new man
If you found something cheerful to say.
And maybe you'd find work if
You worked on your résumé.

I've got the Bet She Bought Cheetos With Food Stamps
Too Much Billie Holiday Blues.

He probably wouldn't have dumped you
If you'd cut back on the booze.
And maybe bought a pretty scarf
Or some high-heeled Jimmy Choos.

I've got the You Can Work Wonders With Makeup
Too Much Billie Holiday Blues.

I understand things are miserable.
Nobody said life was fair.
Maybe folks would treat you better
If you took that shrubbery out of your hair.

I've got the What Is That, a Hydrangea?
Too Much Billie Holiday Blues.

Success is in the attitude;
Show people a confident you.
Everybody loves Billy Joel
And he gets to drive drunk too.

I've got the Frowns Don't Fuck Christie Brinkley
Too Much Billie Holiday Blues.

Laughter is serious medicine,
A lifeboat for a sinking ship.
In fact, I'll bet she'd be alive today
If she'd read that "Family Circus" strip.

I've got the Okay, Dude, I'm Outta Here
Too Much Billie Holiday Blues.

I've got the That's It, Dude, I'm History
Too Much Billie Holiday Blues.