Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Jesus wakes up early and glances outside at the beautiful day. The sundial on his windowsill reads exactly 7:42. He rubs his eyes and watches a man lead a burro into the bustling town square. "My friend!" someone yells to the burro's owner. "I haven't seen you since they invented the wheel!"

At the blacksmith's shop, a roan mare whinnies as the smithy pounds her a new shoe. The smithy wipes his brow with the back of a muscular hand, and with an exhausted sigh thrusts the shoe back into the fire again.

After he finishes his ablutions, Jesus goes to the temple and clears out all the moneylenders. He wanders out into the desert, prays for a few hours, then speaks to the people who follow him. He washes the feet of a prostitute, and after the sun sets he meets his apostles for dinner in an assembly room over a tavern.

The thirteen men sit around a table overloaded with food. "This is so cool!" Jesus says, looking appreciatively at his friends and the food. Still, something inside him is unsettled. Judas is acting strangely, and Jesus senses that something is up. "Unfortunately," he adds, "one of you is going to betray me before this night is done." The apostles all deny it, thinking Jesus is paranoid, but later Jesus takes Judas off to one side. "If you have to do it," he says, "do it now." Judas denies he has anything planned, but runs off all the same.

Everyone finishes dinner, and afterwards they head to a nearby garden. Judas reappears with a cadre of guards. "Hey, guy!" Judas says, giving Jesus a peck on the cheek. The guards recognize the prearranged signal, and they arrest Jesus. As they drag him away, the full impact of what he's done hits Judas. "I'm an absolute idiot!" he yells, stomping the ground. He runs to the river and throws in his reward money, then he hangs himself from a nearby tree.

Jesus is brought before Pontius Pilate. Pilate thinks Jesus is innocent, but other religious leaders force him to condemn Jesus to death. Jesus is dragged out to Golgotha, where a cross is constructed. The guards make him carry it to the top of the mountain. They nail him to the cross, and then everything goes black.



Jesus wakes up early and glances curiously at the sun streaming in his window. "Holy moly!" he says to himself. "That was the weirdest freakin' dream." The sundial on his windowsill reads exactly 7:42. He rubs his eyes and a man lead a burro into the bustling town square. "My friend!" someone yells to the burro's owner. "I haven't seen you since they invented the wheel!"

At the blacksmith's shop, a roan mare whinnies as the smithy pounds her a new shoe. The smithy wipes his brow with the back of a muscular hand, and with an exhausted sigh thrusts the shoe back into the fire again.

"What the hell is going on?" Jesus asks himself. "This is exactly like yesterday." He goes to the temple, goes to the desert, meets the apostles for dinner. He sees Judas and again gets that unsettling feeling. "Man," he thinks, "This is some powerful deja vu."

The thirteen men sit around the table, overloaded with food. "This is so cool!" Jesus says, but his heart isn't in it. While the others are eating, he takes Judas aside. "I know about your plan," Jesus whispers. "Please, my brother -- think twice about it." "I'm not planning anything!" Judas declares, but seconds later he runs off.

After dinner, Jesus tells the apostles he's got a headache and he's going home, but they won't let him go. They drag him to the garden, and Judas turns up again. Next thing Jesus knows, he's back on the cross.

"Goldarnit," he says to himself. "I really should have done something about this while I had the chance."



Jesus wakes up early and glowers at the beautiful day. The sundial on his windowsill reads exactly 7:42. He hides his head under the pillow. "My friend!" he hears one man shouts to another. "I haven't seen you since they invented the wheel!" A mare whinnies, and Jesus goes to the window just in time to see the smithy sigh and thrust the shoe back into the fire.

"Holy cannoli!" Jesus mutters to himself. "This again?" He goes to the temple, goes to the desert, meets the apostles for dinner. "Okay," he says to himself as all the friends exchange greetings, "this time I'm definitely doing something different."

Jesus gives Paul the center chair and grabs a seat by Judas. "I know exactly what you're up to," he whispers accusingly. "And you're going to regret it. You think forty pieces of silver is anything? Dude, it's crap. Very, very soon, you're going to realize how stupid you were, and you're going to throw the money in the river before you hang yourself."

Judas is astonished by his friend's prediction. "I'm not up to anything," he lies, and he dodges the accusing eyes by grabbing another helping of the roasted lamb. He thinks about what Jesus says, though, and by the time dessert comes he's completely forgotten about his plan.

After the men finish dinner, they head to a nearby garden. They laugh and joke and sing songs. They have a great night, and drunkenly stumble home. That night Jesus lays in bed with his fingers crossed.



Jesus wakes up late and rushes to the window. "WOOHOO!" he shouts, sticking his head outside. "I never thought I'd be happy to see rain!"

3 comments:

R J Keefe said...

Recycle shamelessly on Groundhog Day. Ha!

Mike said...

Oh, Roman! If Jeebus hadn't died on that cross, you would never go to heaven, and that just makes me sad.

David said...

Delightful.

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