The Vatican, well-known for being mired in ancient history, has recently shown a move toward becoming green. Solar panels have been installed on some of their buildings, and the Pope himself has expressed concern about climate change.

This explains an odd encounter I had the other day. I told a priest I wasn't sure global warming really existed, and he put my hands on his ass.


Simon Cowell said he was offered two million dollars to appear in a TV commercial, but he turned it down.

He told Glamour magazine, "Last year my agent rang me and said: 'You've been offered an incredibly big deal. It's to be the face of Viagra'. And I just said: 'Sorry, but that has to be a f****** insult'."

Besides, it doesn't make any sense. If you want to see how Viagra works, you don't start with a giant prick.


An Indian grocer has made it into the Guinness record book for having the longest ear hair in the world.

Radhakant Bajpai, 50, has tufts that sprout an incredible 5.2 inches at their longest point, long enough for two small ponytails.

Bajpai insists anybody can do it. Just keep it out of sunlight, don't pull on it, and shampoo it every day with the opposite of Suave.


Amsterdam city government recently passed two new laws covering the 120-acre Vondelpark. They made it legal for people to have sex in the park, but made it illegal for dogs to run around.

The good news is, now when something starts humping your leg, you can pretty much guess what it is.


The town of Nottingham, England, apparently set a world record for the largest number of people dressed as Robin Hood. Over a thousand men packed into the small town, every one of them wearing a tunic, a feathered hat, and green or brown tights.

And running with scissors suddenly becomes the second-easiest way to poke out an eye.