Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer suffers from a condition called Objectum-Sexuality, which means she falls in love with stuff. Not the "I've got to have that!" kind of love, but the "Take me! TAKE ME NOW!" kind of love.

She saw the Berlin Wall on TV when she was a child and was instantly smitten, like when the rest of us saw Sean Connery in From Russia With Love. She pinned his photos to her bedroom wall and visited him every chance she got, and on her sixth visit they tied the knot before a handful of guests. They kissed, but just honeymooned locally. And that's when she took his name.

The relationship was a long and happy one, and Mrs. Berliner-Mauer was devoted to her spouse. "The Great Wall of China's attractive," she declared saucily, "but he's too thick - my husband is sexier."

Unfortunately, like all love stories, this one comes to an unhappy end. While the rest of mankind rejoiced as the Wall was almost entirely demolished in 1989, Mrs. Berliner-Mauer was horrified. She never really got over it, and eventually left the Wall for a garden fence.