Bob Dylan Is 85
-
Content below was previously posted May 24, 2024. … Hibbing MN is a cold
place. At least it’s the birthplace of Robert Allen Zimmerman. That’s
Allen, with ...
1 day ago
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Guest Columnist: My Two Cents
I'm all for religious tolerance, but lately I've been seeing something so unsettling I just have to speak up.
I've been seeing all these foreign women totally covered up from head to toe, and frankly, it worries me. It makes me suspicious. Ordinary women like to wear lightwegiht, colorful clothing, because it's comfortable and cute. Would someone really opt for this kind of getup out of their own free will? Are women forced to do this by their husbands? Or have they somehow been brainwashed by a backward culture into thinking that hiding their God-given gifts is the only way they're acceptable?
It's spooky, and I think it poses a hazard to the general public. Say, for example, one of them robbed a bank. How could you describe them to the police? "Well, I think it was a woman, but it was wearing this enormous tent." Heck, who knows what they're hiding under there!
God made the human body in his image, and seeing these outfits hiding his handiwork makes me see red. Do they not believe in God? And if so, what kind of demented supreme being would make them hide away in shame? This kind of attitude needs to be turned away at our borders, like people with diseases, or Greek cheese.
I know the politically-correct police will attack me, but I'm going to stick to my guns. It's great that we let foreigners into this vast melting pot, and many of their traditions will add colorful new threads to our cultural tapestry, but some of these bizarre traditions are better left where our visitors came from.
Sister Mary Ann Meriwether
St. Agnes by the Sea
I've been seeing all these foreign women totally covered up from head to toe, and frankly, it worries me. It makes me suspicious. Ordinary women like to wear lightwegiht, colorful clothing, because it's comfortable and cute. Would someone really opt for this kind of getup out of their own free will? Are women forced to do this by their husbands? Or have they somehow been brainwashed by a backward culture into thinking that hiding their God-given gifts is the only way they're acceptable?
It's spooky, and I think it poses a hazard to the general public. Say, for example, one of them robbed a bank. How could you describe them to the police? "Well, I think it was a woman, but it was wearing this enormous tent." Heck, who knows what they're hiding under there!
God made the human body in his image, and seeing these outfits hiding his handiwork makes me see red. Do they not believe in God? And if so, what kind of demented supreme being would make them hide away in shame? This kind of attitude needs to be turned away at our borders, like people with diseases, or Greek cheese.
I know the politically-correct police will attack me, but I'm going to stick to my guns. It's great that we let foreigners into this vast melting pot, and many of their traditions will add colorful new threads to our cultural tapestry, but some of these bizarre traditions are better left where our visitors came from.
Sister Mary Ann Meriwether
St. Agnes by the Sea
I love Japanese junk culture. They create bizarre characters, like the Mutant Ninja Turtles or the Power Rangers, and invent a whole back story for them. You learn about their friends and relatives, visit their homes, see what their daily lives are like.
I saw this little toy at a Japanese gift shop the other day, and I got to wondering about its back story. I think it spends the day eating tuna fish, laying in the sun, and batting around a little felt mouse. Then, when the sun goes down and it gets tired, as we see, it burrows down into its kitty litter and goes to sleep.
I saw this little toy at a Japanese gift shop the other day, and I got to wondering about its back story. I think it spends the day eating tuna fish, laying in the sun, and batting around a little felt mouse. Then, when the sun goes down and it gets tired, as we see, it burrows down into its kitty litter and goes to sleep.
Email I Never Finished Reading
This e-mail was forwarded to you by . Spa Week and your friend believe that "Good Health is Infectious" and we want to pass it on to you.
Smart. Spa Week. You know, I was actually thinking about getting one of this cut-rate treatments (at one of "700 top spas"), but when I'm dreaming about taking off my clothes, putting on a strange robe and slippers, and laying down on a damp towel on top of a vinyl table, I'd rather not hear the word "infectious." Right? Better luck next year.
Monday, March 29, 2010
In Nevada on Saturday, Sarah Palin spoke before several thousand teabaggers at the kickoff rally for a national bus tour.
Organizers dubbed the event a "conservative Woodstock" because nearly nine thousand people turned out for the show, which was held outdoors.
Another reason they called it a "conservative Woodstock"? Also on the bill were Country Joe and the Fish.
Organizers dubbed the event a "conservative Woodstock" because nearly nine thousand people turned out for the show, which was held outdoors.
Another reason they called it a "conservative Woodstock"? Also on the bill were Country Joe and the Fish.
Archbishop Timothy Dolan, speaking at Palm Sunday mass about the church's history of child-molestation:
The Catholic Church: Hey, We're Not As Bad As NAMBLA!™
All we ask is that it be fair, and that the Catholic Church not be singled-out for a horror that has cursed every culture, religion, organization, institution, school, agency, and family in the world.
The Catholic Church: Hey, We're Not As Bad As NAMBLA!™
Undercover Boss: The Monologue
Hi. I'm Hiram Whittaker, president of Radio Hut. I've been president for thirty years, and my father was president before me. It's a good job, but there's a lot of responsibility.
I'm going to join my workers undercover to see how the other half lives. To tell you the truth, I'm a little scared.
Wow, this is difficult. What, I've got to do this eight hours a day? Whaddaya mean TWELVE? Ohmigod. Are you kidding me? How do you put up with this? You people are saints. I don't think I could get through an entire shift of this, and you do it every day?
Well, now it's time for me to come clean. I'm not really a new employee: I'm Hiram Whittaker, the president of the company. Yes, I know you're thrilled to meet me, and yes, it took a lot of courage on my part to do this little prescripted thing in exchange for nothing but an hour of free primetime publicity. I know all you little workers look up to me like a father figure, but dude, I'm incredibly humbled. I've been sitting in my glass castle all these years, reaping in vast riches for basically shuffling paper, while people like you have been working their fingers to the bone, dedicating their lives, even sacrificing their families in return for the bare subsistence wages I've been paying them. It's just unbelievable. How horrible I feel! How unfair is this vicious cycle!
Dude, lemme give you a brand new Fiero. Is that great or what? Remember everybody, Radio Hut is the place to go for electronics. Adios!
I'm going to join my workers undercover to see how the other half lives. To tell you the truth, I'm a little scared.
Wow, this is difficult. What, I've got to do this eight hours a day? Whaddaya mean TWELVE? Ohmigod. Are you kidding me? How do you put up with this? You people are saints. I don't think I could get through an entire shift of this, and you do it every day?
Well, now it's time for me to come clean. I'm not really a new employee: I'm Hiram Whittaker, the president of the company. Yes, I know you're thrilled to meet me, and yes, it took a lot of courage on my part to do this little prescripted thing in exchange for nothing but an hour of free primetime publicity. I know all you little workers look up to me like a father figure, but dude, I'm incredibly humbled. I've been sitting in my glass castle all these years, reaping in vast riches for basically shuffling paper, while people like you have been working their fingers to the bone, dedicating their lives, even sacrificing their families in return for the bare subsistence wages I've been paying them. It's just unbelievable. How horrible I feel! How unfair is this vicious cycle!
Dude, lemme give you a brand new Fiero. Is that great or what? Remember everybody, Radio Hut is the place to go for electronics. Adios!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Democrats are losers for one simple reason: we insist on being logical, responsible, reasonable adults. Which is idiotic, considering the circumstances. It's like driving around a Destruction Derby going, "Gosh, I'd better slow down or somebody might dent my fender." We're using knives and forks at a pie-eating contest.
Political power is like a dinner buffet on a cruise ship: when the doors swing open at dinnertime, all the Republicans will sprint like their lives depend on it, and grab for everything they can get. They'll be stuffing chicken wings in their bras and spare ribs in their boxer shorts, jamming dinner rolls and breadsticks in their handbags and balancing plates of carrot cake on their heads. The Democrats will be all, "After you!" "No, after you!" and by the time they finally make it to to the table they'll be nothing but fruit cocktail and Bac'O Bits.
Yes, they'll have their honor. They'll know they did the right thing. And the next morning they'll be absolutely starving while the Republicans are having belching contests in their lounge chairs and and helping their spouses roll over when their bulging stomachs get too pink.
We're smart. We're polite. We're so much better than them, we think as we sip cognac and they set fire to the topiary around our estate. We're teaching our kids Spanish and they're teaching their kids how to box. How uneducated they are, we think, sure that little Desmond's declension of past participles will provide him ample ammunition against packs of roaming eight-year-olds who want to punch him in the spleen.
The Republicans don't even have an ounce of manners or tact, and it's a compliment when I say they can sink far, far lower than Democrats. After all, politics is like that slutty reality show, Temptation Island. And the Democrats are wearing one-piece suits so they don't embarrass their family and friends at home, while the Republicans are wearing thongs whose tops slide down whenever anybody says the word "Jägermeister."
Who do you think is going to get the gold Trojan at the Condom Ceremony?
When the last President Bush said there were weapons of mass destruction in Iran, we Democrats figured we'd give him the benefit of the doubt. "Well, it sounds a little sketchy," we thought, "but since we don't have any intelligence services, we can't exactly say no." I mean, you can't call a guy a liar if you don't have evidence, right? And so began the biggest mistake in the history of the world.
The Republicans took a far smarter tact. They decided they didn't need to understand something just to disagree with it. They realized years ago that they don't need to make sense to make an impact: they just need signs. Repetition and volume are a great substitute for substance. Muslim activist Malcolm X said we need to fight "by any means necessary," and ironically its the creationist Christians who grabbed that advice.
Since nobody can be sure of anything these days, whoever looks the most confident wins. And who looks most confident? People who don't have an opposing thought in their heads. Sarah Palin, for instance, knows for absolute fact that God created Adam and Eve. Evolution can't be real! After all, she met her grandparents, and they weren't monkeys, even if they did occasionally throw their feces at visitors.
Democrats? Well, we've got a lot of contradictory information. The Wall Street Journal says one thing, and the New York Times says another. There could be WMDs in Iraq. After all, Israeli intelligence released a few reports saying Saddam Hussein tried to buy nuclear material by funneling money through Kuwait.
Republicans? Glenn Beck agrees with Rush Limbaugh who agrees with Hannity and Colmes: OBAMA'S A MUSLIM TERRORIST AND HIS DEATH SQUADS ARE GONNA KILL MEEMAW!!! HIS WIFE IS GROWING POISONED TOMATOES IN THE WHITE HOUSE GARDEN THAT THE CIA IS GOING TO ADD TO WAL-MART PIZZA ROLLS! And Star magazine agrees with People and Us Weekly that Angelina hired an Angolan hit squad to kill Johnny Depp because he refused to fertilize three hundred viable ovum at her lab in Kiev.
Seconds after Obama took office, the Republicans attacked. Nobody gave him the benefit of the doubt. Nobody assumed that he, a Harvard-educated lawyer, could be smarter than somebody whose home was held up by cement blocks. Nope, the gloves came off, and every word was criticized. They mobilized, and they screamed BABY KILLER! or SOCIALIST! or WHY NOT JUST POOP ON THE CONSTITUTION? every time a Democrat spoke.
When Bush was president, we said "Excuse me," and "Pardon me," and "I'm not clear what you meant." Now that Obama is president, our opponents are climbing into vans and heading to the rifle range.
And now, of course, the Republicans hold the upper hand. Washington is a tailgate party they control. There are five hundred drunks chugging Jack Daniels around the Republican truck, while two Democrats stand near a Prius going, "Would anyone like a free-range root beer?"
So, I call on the Democrats to make that inevitable change. Politics is a race, and we can't keep taking the high road when our opponents are mounting ATVs and cutting through rainforest. To be a gentleman is to go through the door last.
I say adios sense, goodbye tact, sayonara truth. We need to reclaim "By any means necessary" so it's the motto the poor use to wrest power from the rich, not what homeschooling Mormons scream when they set fire to the Gay Culture section at Barnes & Noble.
Anyway, that's it for me today. Now I've got to Photoshop Jeff Foxworthy's name onto a Parisian birth certificate, then tell the police I saw Toby Keith with a pistol the day the music died.
Political power is like a dinner buffet on a cruise ship: when the doors swing open at dinnertime, all the Republicans will sprint like their lives depend on it, and grab for everything they can get. They'll be stuffing chicken wings in their bras and spare ribs in their boxer shorts, jamming dinner rolls and breadsticks in their handbags and balancing plates of carrot cake on their heads. The Democrats will be all, "After you!" "No, after you!" and by the time they finally make it to to the table they'll be nothing but fruit cocktail and Bac'O Bits.
Yes, they'll have their honor. They'll know they did the right thing. And the next morning they'll be absolutely starving while the Republicans are having belching contests in their lounge chairs and and helping their spouses roll over when their bulging stomachs get too pink.
We're smart. We're polite. We're so much better than them, we think as we sip cognac and they set fire to the topiary around our estate. We're teaching our kids Spanish and they're teaching their kids how to box. How uneducated they are, we think, sure that little Desmond's declension of past participles will provide him ample ammunition against packs of roaming eight-year-olds who want to punch him in the spleen.
The Republicans don't even have an ounce of manners or tact, and it's a compliment when I say they can sink far, far lower than Democrats. After all, politics is like that slutty reality show, Temptation Island. And the Democrats are wearing one-piece suits so they don't embarrass their family and friends at home, while the Republicans are wearing thongs whose tops slide down whenever anybody says the word "Jägermeister."
Who do you think is going to get the gold Trojan at the Condom Ceremony?
When the last President Bush said there were weapons of mass destruction in Iran, we Democrats figured we'd give him the benefit of the doubt. "Well, it sounds a little sketchy," we thought, "but since we don't have any intelligence services, we can't exactly say no." I mean, you can't call a guy a liar if you don't have evidence, right? And so began the biggest mistake in the history of the world.
The Republicans took a far smarter tact. They decided they didn't need to understand something just to disagree with it. They realized years ago that they don't need to make sense to make an impact: they just need signs. Repetition and volume are a great substitute for substance. Muslim activist Malcolm X said we need to fight "by any means necessary," and ironically its the creationist Christians who grabbed that advice.
Since nobody can be sure of anything these days, whoever looks the most confident wins. And who looks most confident? People who don't have an opposing thought in their heads. Sarah Palin, for instance, knows for absolute fact that God created Adam and Eve. Evolution can't be real! After all, she met her grandparents, and they weren't monkeys, even if they did occasionally throw their feces at visitors.
Democrats? Well, we've got a lot of contradictory information. The Wall Street Journal says one thing, and the New York Times says another. There could be WMDs in Iraq. After all, Israeli intelligence released a few reports saying Saddam Hussein tried to buy nuclear material by funneling money through Kuwait.
Republicans? Glenn Beck agrees with Rush Limbaugh who agrees with Hannity and Colmes: OBAMA'S A MUSLIM TERRORIST AND HIS DEATH SQUADS ARE GONNA KILL MEEMAW!!! HIS WIFE IS GROWING POISONED TOMATOES IN THE WHITE HOUSE GARDEN THAT THE CIA IS GOING TO ADD TO WAL-MART PIZZA ROLLS! And Star magazine agrees with People and Us Weekly that Angelina hired an Angolan hit squad to kill Johnny Depp because he refused to fertilize three hundred viable ovum at her lab in Kiev.
Seconds after Obama took office, the Republicans attacked. Nobody gave him the benefit of the doubt. Nobody assumed that he, a Harvard-educated lawyer, could be smarter than somebody whose home was held up by cement blocks. Nope, the gloves came off, and every word was criticized. They mobilized, and they screamed BABY KILLER! or SOCIALIST! or WHY NOT JUST POOP ON THE CONSTITUTION? every time a Democrat spoke.
When Bush was president, we said "Excuse me," and "Pardon me," and "I'm not clear what you meant." Now that Obama is president, our opponents are climbing into vans and heading to the rifle range.
And now, of course, the Republicans hold the upper hand. Washington is a tailgate party they control. There are five hundred drunks chugging Jack Daniels around the Republican truck, while two Democrats stand near a Prius going, "Would anyone like a free-range root beer?"
So, I call on the Democrats to make that inevitable change. Politics is a race, and we can't keep taking the high road when our opponents are mounting ATVs and cutting through rainforest. To be a gentleman is to go through the door last.
I say adios sense, goodbye tact, sayonara truth. We need to reclaim "By any means necessary" so it's the motto the poor use to wrest power from the rich, not what homeschooling Mormons scream when they set fire to the Gay Culture section at Barnes & Noble.
Anyway, that's it for me today. Now I've got to Photoshop Jeff Foxworthy's name onto a Parisian birth certificate, then tell the police I saw Toby Keith with a pistol the day the music died.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
For many years, the Barbie doll has been a role model to young girls. Unlike her unemployed counterparts, Barbie has undertaken a plethora of jobs and has shown the younger generation the changing opportunities available to them. Starting with Stewardess Barbie back in 1956 all the way through Cardiologist Barbie in 2008, our favorite fashionista has reflected our changing times, assuming over 150 occupations that were previously male domain.
In her newest incarnation, the slender stunner has wised up to the smart woman's fast track in the year 2010. Instead of working long hours in a lab or shop, she's going to sink her hooks into some rich dude and ride him like an ATM. Mattel is proud to announce new Extortion Barbie©.
Extortion Barbie comes complete with all this:
What's more, pull a string in Barbie's back and she'll say the following:
Okay, so she can't move her lips, but have you ever seen Rachel Uchitel talk?
Anyway, beat the rush and pick up Extortion Barbie today. She's got places to go and athletes to masturbate.
Extortion Barbie: She ain't just spreading her wings.™
*Clothes, accessories, and tiny Gloria Allred sold separately.
In her newest incarnation, the slender stunner has wised up to the smart woman's fast track in the year 2010. Instead of working long hours in a lab or shop, she's going to sink her hooks into some rich dude and ride him like an ATM. Mattel is proud to announce new Extortion Barbie©.
Extortion Barbie comes complete with all this:
- A business card that says "Restaurant Hostess" on one side and "Model/Actress" on the back.
- A blouse splashed with Cheating Ken's DNA
- A BlackBerry full of sexts
What's more, pull a string in Barbie's back and she'll say the following:
- "Honestly, judge, I'm just an innocent naif who saves the cum-stained dresses from all my boyfriends."
- "Yes, I realize that works out to a hundred thousand a fuck, but I'm no common whore!"
- "No, I don't mind that you're married. Could you speak directly into my corsage, please?"
Okay, so she can't move her lips, but have you ever seen Rachel Uchitel talk?
Anyway, beat the rush and pick up Extortion Barbie today. She's got places to go and athletes to masturbate.
Extortion Barbie: She ain't just spreading her wings.™
*Clothes, accessories, and tiny Gloria Allred sold separately.
Congratulations on buying the new Samsung Slider! We know this phone will give you many years of pleasure. You're probably already appreciating its unique features. Whenever you get a text message, it beeps twice. Every ten minutes afterward, it'll beep twice to remind you. If you get a voice message, it beeps twice to alert you, and it'll also beep twice every ten minutes so you don't forget.
When the power gets low, the Samsung Slider will beep twice to alert you. After you connect its power cord, it'll beep again so you know it's juicing up just fine. If you leave it in the sun, the Slider will beep its distress, also alerting you to put on sunscreen. Curious what a broken fax machine sounds like? Your Flash will randomly imitate one, sensing whether you're asleep or not and ramping up the sound so you don't miss the fun.
Set your Slider down near another electronic device, from a computer to a toaster oven, and the Slider will express its delight with two more beeps. Place it near another cellphone and the Slider will emit a pair of beeps that might have you thinking it wants to communicate. But no, it's just more meaningless beeps.
In fact, whether at play or at rest, the Slider will beep almost continuously, day and night. Think of it as our millions of employees worldwide saying, "Thank you for buying another fine Samsung product."
Samsung: There's a reason our warranties don't cover hammer damage.™
When the power gets low, the Samsung Slider will beep twice to alert you. After you connect its power cord, it'll beep again so you know it's juicing up just fine. If you leave it in the sun, the Slider will beep its distress, also alerting you to put on sunscreen. Curious what a broken fax machine sounds like? Your Flash will randomly imitate one, sensing whether you're asleep or not and ramping up the sound so you don't miss the fun.
Set your Slider down near another electronic device, from a computer to a toaster oven, and the Slider will express its delight with two more beeps. Place it near another cellphone and the Slider will emit a pair of beeps that might have you thinking it wants to communicate. But no, it's just more meaningless beeps.
In fact, whether at play or at rest, the Slider will beep almost continuously, day and night. Think of it as our millions of employees worldwide saying, "Thank you for buying another fine Samsung product."
Samsung: There's a reason our warranties don't cover hammer damage.™
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
A James Bond fan fed up with drivers cutting him up on his moped invented the ultimate gadget to gain his revenge: a fifteen-foot flamethrower.
It wasn't awfully difficult, the guy says. The hardest part is convincing drivers to slow down to eight miles an hour so he can hit them.
It wasn't awfully difficult, the guy says. The hardest part is convincing drivers to slow down to eight miles an hour so he can hit them.
From an article on a hot new beef processing plant:
I hope it'll be marketed like Beaujolais nouveau. When it's released, all the butcher shops should put banners in the windows saying, "The Three-Year Old Dead Cows Are Here!"
Bill Niman, who in 2007 parted from the company he founded, Niman Ranch, now owns BN Ranch in Bolinas, Calif., with his wife, Nicolette. The ranch will offer its first aristocratic natural beef from 3-year-old grass-fed cattle this August in a restricted release that will be, as Mr. Niman put it, “like the arrival of the Beaujolais nouveau.”
I hope it'll be marketed like Beaujolais nouveau. When it's released, all the butcher shops should put banners in the windows saying, "The Three-Year Old Dead Cows Are Here!"
In Maine, the Catholic Church has cut funding to a social services agency because they support gay marriage.
The Preble Street organization, which provides housing and other services to the poor and homeless, supported Maine's "No on 1" campaign, which opposed a ballot proposal to overturn gay marriage. And because of that, they'll lose $17,400 this year and $33,000 next year in promised donations from the Catholic Church.
Which means the Catholic Church is punishing homeless people because the organization that helps them isn't homophobic.
Does something about that ring a bell? Wait . . . I think I got it.
By defunding the Boy Scouts -- who discriminate against gays -- we liberals were punishing innocent young boys just because their parent organization was homophobic. And you can't blame kids because of what some adults did, right? That would be mean.
Also, by refusing to donate to the Salvation Army -- who discriminate against gays -- we were punishing poor people because of the actions of their parent organization. And that would be petty, right?
As usual with Republicans, there's a double standard. We're mean and petty, but they're just following God's law.
We're supposed to quietly tolerate groups we disagree with while they pull out the rug from under theirs.
We're supposed to be more beneficent than an allegedly-Christian organization. We're supposed to be more forgiving than a group headed by Jesus' alleged representative on earth.
The good news is, evidently that ain't too hard.
The Preble Street organization, which provides housing and other services to the poor and homeless, supported Maine's "No on 1" campaign, which opposed a ballot proposal to overturn gay marriage. And because of that, they'll lose $17,400 this year and $33,000 next year in promised donations from the Catholic Church.
Which means the Catholic Church is punishing homeless people because the organization that helps them isn't homophobic.
Does something about that ring a bell? Wait . . . I think I got it.
By defunding the Boy Scouts -- who discriminate against gays -- we liberals were punishing innocent young boys just because their parent organization was homophobic. And you can't blame kids because of what some adults did, right? That would be mean.
Also, by refusing to donate to the Salvation Army -- who discriminate against gays -- we were punishing poor people because of the actions of their parent organization. And that would be petty, right?
As usual with Republicans, there's a double standard. We're mean and petty, but they're just following God's law.
We're supposed to quietly tolerate groups we disagree with while they pull out the rug from under theirs.
We're supposed to be more beneficent than an allegedly-Christian organization. We're supposed to be more forgiving than a group headed by Jesus' alleged representative on earth.
The good news is, evidently that ain't too hard.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
A religious broadcaster is jumping into the 3-D fad. On Tuesday, CatholicTV posted several of its shows in 3-D on the Internet.
Officials at the network say it's part of an effort to reach teens. The network's director, the Rev. Robert Reed, says it will use any way it can to bring the church's teachings to more people.
Is this such a good idea? I mean, if I wanted parts of a priest poking out at me, I'd be an altar boy, thanks.
Officials at the network say it's part of an effort to reach teens. The network's director, the Rev. Robert Reed, says it will use any way it can to bring the church's teachings to more people.
Is this such a good idea? I mean, if I wanted parts of a priest poking out at me, I'd be an altar boy, thanks.
A Joke
Q: How many GLAAD members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: A hundred and one. A hundred to arrange a lightbulb-changing fundraiser, and one to announce that they're working with lightbulb manufacturers so this never, ever happens again.
A: A hundred and one. A hundred to arrange a lightbulb-changing fundraiser, and one to announce that they're working with lightbulb manufacturers so this never, ever happens again.
Mr. Smithers, the high-powered executive, presses the red button on the intercom. "Miss White," he says, "could you bring me that list of birth control pills?"
Miss White temporarily stops filing her fingernails and hits the button to reply. "I put it on your desk this morning, sir."
Mr. Smithers shuffles papers back and forth but comes up blank. "Well, it's not here. The only thing I can find is your list of Disney heroines."
"Sir," Miss White says, "I haven't typed up that list yet."
Mr. Smithers groans. "Ohmigod," he says. "It can't be. But I just bought -- " He sighs and runs his fingers through thinning hair. "Now my six-year-old is going to a costume party dressed as a time-release estrogen pill."
I think Mr. Smithers' confusion is understandable. See if you can tell which of the following are Disney heroines, and which are birth control pills.
(1) Mircette
(2) Kiara
(3) Alesse
(4) Megara
(5) Naveen
(6) Lybrel
(7) Perdita
(8) Nakoma
(9) Demulen
(10) Yuna
(11) Ovral
(12) Eudora
(13) LoEstrin
(14) Yasmin
(15) Seasonique
ANSWERS:
(1) Birth control pill
(2) Disney heroine from The Lion King
(3) Birth control pill
(4) Disney heroine from Hercules
(5) Disney heroine from The Princess and the Frog
(6) Birth control pill
(7) Disney heroine from 101 Dalmatians
(8) Disney heroine from Pocahontas
(9) Birth control pill
(10) Disney heroine from Stitch!
(11) Birth control pill
(12) Disney heroine from The Princess and the Frog
(13) Birth control pill
(14) Birth control pill
(15) Birth control pill
Miss White temporarily stops filing her fingernails and hits the button to reply. "I put it on your desk this morning, sir."
Mr. Smithers shuffles papers back and forth but comes up blank. "Well, it's not here. The only thing I can find is your list of Disney heroines."
"Sir," Miss White says, "I haven't typed up that list yet."
Mr. Smithers groans. "Ohmigod," he says. "It can't be. But I just bought -- " He sighs and runs his fingers through thinning hair. "Now my six-year-old is going to a costume party dressed as a time-release estrogen pill."
I think Mr. Smithers' confusion is understandable. See if you can tell which of the following are Disney heroines, and which are birth control pills.
(1) Mircette
(2) Kiara
(3) Alesse
(4) Megara
(5) Naveen
(6) Lybrel
(7) Perdita
(8) Nakoma
(9) Demulen
(10) Yuna
(11) Ovral
(12) Eudora
(13) LoEstrin
(14) Yasmin
(15) Seasonique
ANSWERS:
(1) Birth control pill
(2) Disney heroine from The Lion King
(3) Birth control pill
(4) Disney heroine from Hercules
(5) Disney heroine from The Princess and the Frog
(6) Birth control pill
(7) Disney heroine from 101 Dalmatians
(8) Disney heroine from Pocahontas
(9) Birth control pill
(10) Disney heroine from Stitch!
(11) Birth control pill
(12) Disney heroine from The Princess and the Frog
(13) Birth control pill
(14) Birth control pill
(15) Birth control pill
Monday, March 22, 2010
Adding a Third Step to Don't Ask/Don't Tell
Pray That Police Officers Don't Spot Your Gay Marriage License Through A Fuckin' Window and Fink to Your Superiors at the Air Force
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
