How To Tell If Your Olive Garden Waitress Has Posed For "Playboy"

-- When you tell her you've got reservations she says the doctors have pronounced her clean.

-- You ask if she likes minestrone and she says, "Buddy, if you got enough money, I don't care how big you are!"

-- You compliment her on her overstuffed ravioli and she says she's still making payments on them.

-- You ask what the chef's specialty is, and she snaps, "Well, it sure ain't foreplay."

-- She sucks all the salt off your breadsticks.

-- When you ask her what linguini is, she licks her lips and says it's her second favorite noodle.

-- You ask how the gnocchi are and she says "They're still a little tender, thanks."

-- You tell her there's no cream in your cannoli and she says, "Well, let's wait ten minutes and try again."

-- When you ask if she has shaved parmesan, she says it's not really your business but she always gets a Brazilian wax.

-- She offers to show you what "al dente" means but you'd have to pull down your pants.

(Via Alex Balk.)