I just can't WAIT to get old!

At Barnes & Noble the other day I wandered the travel section, because looking at pictures of foreign places is a poor person's idea of a vacation. When I spotted book called "Unbelievably Good Deals and Great Adventures That You Absolutely Can't Get Unless You're Over 50," the clouds of depression parted in my head. Was it possible? I wondered. Could my impending old age actually be something to look forward to? Maybe instead of dreading aging, I'd wake up every morning and run to the mirror, anxiously looking for wrinkles and spots so I too could get some of these Unbelievably Good Deals and Great Adventures.

Unfortunately, my heart sank with every page I skimmed. Here's some of what we have to look forward to:

-- Volunteer Senior Ranger Corps. (Their "Great Adventure"? Go to a National Park, and bring a broom.)

-- Shepherd's Center of America. (Call other seniors like yourself and convince them they shouldn't be depressed.)

-- Service Opportunities for Older People. (Do volunteer work in other countries. You pay for your airfare, food and lodging. I imagine the volunteers staffing their phones just automatically answer it with, "No, really, we're not kidding!")

-- The Peace Corps. (Um, you know that part about "Can't Get Unless You're Over 50"? It was a total lie.)