Friday, February 15, 2013

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor

Science is amazing these days. Everybody's going to the moon. We've got telephones the size of wristwatches. Your laundry detergent probably gets out ink and blood and red wine stains. But does your detergent get out cum?

New Wisk does.

Everybody's seen that episode of ABC's Primetime where a motel room looks clean until some wise guy turns on a blacklight. Then all of a sudden the room looks like a Jackson Pollock painting. There are swirls and globs and bubbles and splotches everywhere. You thought that room was clean? You thought wrong.

Your entire room is covered in cum.

You remember that little stunt all too well. In fact, it was like watching Kennedy get shot: The image seared itself into your brain. You remember where you were when you first saw it, when you realized that all those pastel-colored bed coverings you'd spent hours lounging on were actually covered with the sex eruptions of people who don't even get under the comforter before they fuck.

Well, new Wisk can get out those stains, and if you take it along with you when you travel you can enjoy that $24 Econolodge room without Googling stuff like, "How long does sperm actually live?"

Oh, c'mon! You thought we'd show you cum stains in a motel room? We want to sell you detergent, not make you stay home until Jesus returns. But you know what we're getting at when we say Wisk can help you erase "invisible" stains. Because who cares about "invisible" stains, right? You can't see them! Nobody's going to pick out a detergent based on how well it handles invisible stuff.

What? Really? People are taking this seriously? In that case, stay tuned for new Febreze Intense, wiping out all those household odors that you can't actually smell.

1 comment:

Yet Another Steve said...

"We want to sell you detergent, not make you stay home until Jesus returns."

Oh how happy you make me.