Friday, February 22, 2013

Drinking Water With A Decomposing Corpse In It Poses No Threat To Health

The Los Angeles County Health Department, which spends millions of dollars every year telling people to take stairs instead of elevators and to sneeze into their elbows, has announced that drinking water with a decomposing corpse in it for three weeks poses absolutely no health risk.

Officials tested for disease-causing coliforms at various points inside the 15-story Cecil Hotel where a Canadian tourist's body was found floating in a roof-top water tank. “The tests came back negative, meaning that if they were in the water they are no longer viable,” said Angelo Bellomo, L.A. County's director of Environmental Health. “They could’ve been in there, but they’re no longer viable, meaning they’re dead.”

While this might lead some people to conclude that the dead woman didn't have a colon, the truth is that she was a veritable fountain of disease-causing fecal coliforms. Luckily, the disinfectants put into your average drinking water are strong enough to neutralize all the bacteria, viruses, fungi, and protozoa either inside a human body or involved in the decomposition of it.

The hotel guests, who noted that the water had a "weird tang" to it, were presumably relieved by this news, which follows closely on the heels of announcements that leaking nuclear power plants, pumping chemicals underground until tap water catches fire and accidentally eating drugged racehorses are also perfectly okay.

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