Idaho survivalists have announced plans to create an armed fortress city surrounded by a "defensible perimeter" complete with gun towers.

The Citadel will house between 3,500 and 7,000 patriotic American families who agree that being prepared for the emergencies of life and being proficient with the American icon of Liberty -- the Rifle -- are prudent measures.

Google is nuts to say the Liberty Bell is the real icon of Liberty. If you could kill somebody with giant bells there'd be corpses around my windchimes.

The Citadel is Liberty-driven: specifically Thomas Jefferson's Rightful Liberty. Marxists, Socialists, Liberals and Establishment Republicans will likely find that life in our community is incompatible with their existing ideology and preferred lifestyles.

My preferred lifestyle? NOT TOO CLOSE TO SURVIVALISTS IN GUN TOWERS.

[T]he Citadel intends to purchase between 2,000 and 3,000 acres. Of that, 640-1,280 acres are to be walled-in (minimum one square mile).

Enjoy freedom! Enjoy liberty! Enjoy knowing you won't have to walk a half-mile across town if you enroll your kids in the boarding school.

Your home can be finished with several facades, from a log cabin to vinyl siding . . . or more. Your house, your choice! . . . All homes will be built of poured concrete for exceptional strength and durability.

Hey, the Founding Fathers never said I couldn't put a log cabin facade on a concrete house, so you can go fuck yourself.

You are responsible for completing the interior of your home as you wish. . . . [E]very single detail, from paint to tiles to counters, is your choice.

Okay, sign me up! I'm sick and tired of Nazi decorators forcing me to use that goddamned Navajo Sand.

There will be no recycling police....

Because Thomas Jefferson would have shot himself in the head before putting the foil tray from his TV dinner into a separate bag.

There will be no HOA.

Well, that should make things interesting, but I probably won't drop by right away. I'm pretty sure the first few hundred inhabitants are going to die of scurvy after their giant American flags blot out the sun.

At the moment the Citadel Project is accepting only Application Fees ($208). All Application Fees will ultimately be deposited into a Citadel business bank account, after clearing PayPal and other servicers.

Yes, they're fighting tyrannical government intervention but giving a dimwitted eBay subsidiary 2.9% of all their income.

The model will be similar in many ways to that of Disneyland. It is walled, gated, private property with controlled access. People pay to enter and agree to the rules because they see value in doing so. . . . Millions of people visit Disneyland and interact peacefully. It's exceptionally rare to hear of any serious problems.

Disneyland? Yeah, this'll be just like Disneyland. Folks will definitely wait two hours in line to ride Cletus T. Jones, Jr.

Still, there's one benefit the Citadel will have: you won't have to wander around half an hour trying to find Goofy.

(via Joe.My.God)