Chuck Norris Beats Up No-Muscled, Pansy-Handed Salesclerk Who Uses Words Like "Fabulous" And "Lovely"

I don't know why "Between the Lines," a daily comic by Max Garcia, is so hard to find. Aside from being absolutely hysterical, it's a great learning opportunity.

Take today's comic, for example:

I'm sure folks all over the country are taking their scissors to this little panel, as it could be quite helpful when looking for homosexuals to attack. Let's examine the differences between the hetero Chuck Norris and the homo salesclerk that Mr. Garcia draws:

HETERO: Strong and silent.

HOMO: Uses words like "fantastic" and "lovely."

HETERO: Loves denim. No sleeves or buttons on shirt.

HOMO: Pink shirt with contrasting cuffs and collar. Turns up the cuffs on his pants.

HETERO: Angry eyes, strong nose, impressive facial hair

HOMO: Perky upturned nose, weak chin, clean-shaven

HETERO: Lots of muscles, hairy chest, hairy arms

HOMO: Smooth chest, flexible wrists, three fingers on each hand.

If you're worried that beating up a gay might be hazardous to your health, don't worry: Mr. Effeminate's friends -- they've got the contrasting collar and upturned cuffs too -- are clearly more interested in moving his body than calling the police.

Still, in the interest of equal time, I'll admit that there might be one little area where homos might take offense. Really, a salesclerk recommending a brown belt with blue clothes? Girlfriend, any queen worth her salt knows that --

OW!!! HEY!!!