Siren Song

Every day I walk to a nearby bakery, and every day I see the same thing: five or ten cars in front of neighboring homes doing that "shave and a haircut, two bits" honk. I don't know if it's just a New York thing, but nobody's walking to doors any more.

I remember back when this was rude. Back when "Here's Lucy" was on TV. Times have changed: nowadays, if you want to meet that guy your daughter's dating, you better wait out by the curb.

Walking home from Ralphy's Ice Cream today -- I live in an Italian neighborhood; what, like I should live on pickles and fish? -- I heard a siren. It seemed odd since there were no cars approaching, and I realized it came from a black Ford that was double-parked at the side of the road.

I couldn't see who was inside since the windows were a shiny black, but they were obviously waiting for somebody. "WHEE--ooo WHEE-ooo WHEE-ooo." Where is that asshole? "WHEE--ooo WHEE-ooo WHEE-ooo."

More New York problem-solving. What do you do when your friends or family don't respond to honking fast enough?

To those folks who say New York is circling the drain, I say you're crazy. Our rudeness is still going strong. In fact, I think we ought to declare it on our license plates:

"So what if I wake your ass up? I'm not getting out of air conditioning for shit."