Thursday, February 27, 2014

Ronan Farrow seems like a perfectly nice guy. Judging from his Wikipedia page, he's done a lot to help the poor and underprivileged, though it kind of sounds like he just helped them put their problems into words. "You're -- you're -- HUNGRY? C'mon: SOUND IT OUT." I mean, isn't a "Diplomat" just a rich guy who likes to travel?

Mr. Farrow didn't come across well as a guest on The Daily Show. I'm not won over by 26-year-olds who don't stop talking when Jon Stewart starts. He didn't seem to have a personality. It's why I don't like Michael Phelps or Ryan Lochte. It's nice they're successful and all, but at some point all of my friends have attempted to do their own laundry.

Mr. Farrow tried to spin himself as a community activist, and said his new TV program would be all about getting people mobilized. When I tuned in to his new MSNBC show, though, I saw nothing of the sort. Just look at the set:

On the wall behind him, half the words come from Mr. Farrow's résumé. "Rhodes Scholar," "Yale Law School," "Lawyer," "Diplomat," "Published Author." I wondered what Mother Teresa's set would have said. "Chastity," "Bed Pans," "Robe Aficionado." I sense a bit of résumé inflation. "Published author" makes me think of books, but apparently it refers to magazine articles, including a smug piece he wrote for W about Miley Cyrus. The "Published" qualifier seems desperate, considering anybody with Mia, Woody and/or Frank for parents could get forty pages in Bon Appetit just for jotting down their thoughts on chicken. They should throw up the words "Renaissance Man" too, because I don't know another Diplomat who'd be asked to interview a young lady who rides a giant sausage at work.

The other words are about community activism. There's "Participate," "Protest," "Rally," "Mobilize." Which is kind of a weird message to be shouted by a set that stole its color scheme from a Members Only jacket. I don't know about you, but I'm reluctant to take advice from the waiting room at a children's hospital, even if it's only telling me to eat more apples and wash behind my ears. Yes, a tangerine and teal set is exhorting the viewer to riot. Because the revolution will take place after a wine tasting. Isn't this amazing cheese?

I watched a documentary the other day about winemaking. Grape-growers often take aerial photos of the vineyards so they can see which plants get enough water and which plants don't. The goal is to NOT give them enough water -- because plants that are stressed and have to struggle yield grapes that have more depth.

It smacked me like a fish in the kisser: the most perfect metaphor for gay people EVER. Mr. Farrow? Overwatered until he just couldn't be bothered with that whole "grape" thing. It's weird that a kid originally named after a spunky, barrier-breaking black man -- he was given the name "Satchel" by his baseball-loving dad -- turned out to be a loaf of Wonder bread. No wonder he changed it. It's like a Supreme Court justice named Chastity Brown.

I'm sure dude can go on to do wonderful things, but I'm not holding out hope. In fact, it almost makes me nostalgic for Ryan Lochte. He peaked early and didn't have any depth, but he knew his limitations. He looked hot and kept saying "Jeah!" Say what you want about stupid people, but I'll bet it never would have occurred to him to have "Gold Medallist" scrawled across Asia, or "Swim Some Laps" on Swaziland.

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