Okay, that's it. I have to speak up. I actually like HBO's new gay TV show Looking, but it's gotten so far away from reality it's not even within shouting distance of real life. I mean, sure -- we've all fallen asleep in a movie theater and woken up twelve hours later naked next a swimming pool in Salinas. After lunch we've all gone back to work in a new pair of assless chaps. We've made out with old men just because they had a spare ticket to Evita.

Still, Sunday's episode had me screaming, "Oh, puh-leeze!" at the TV. Agustin has a crush on a rent boy, and they have lunch together. The prospective beau offers vegetarian Agustin a bite of his meaty lunch, and Agustin accepts just so he won't look weird. Five minutes later he's running down Folsom Street with explosive diarrhea.

Ridiculous, right? I mean, I've been in this situation before, and the truth is, his body would have been thrilled. It's gotten so exhausted from spitting out remnants of tofu and brown rice and pinto beans that it's relieved to finally spot a chunk of animal for a change. Agustin would have casually cruised down Folsom thinking, "That's weird: I haven't farted in six minutes!" as his contented stomach lovingly basted the cow parts with acid and asked, "So, are you through with all that fuckin' broccoli or what?"