B E A U T Y - dir. Rino Stefano Tagliafierro from Rino Stefano Tagliafierro on Vimeo.

You know one thing I love about today's hi-tech world? Literally every day somebody creates a new artwork that just bowls me over. Today it's the video Beauty by Italian artist Rino Stefano Tagliafierro. He's taken some of his favorite paintings and computer-animated them. The results are quite surprising.

Subtle motion completely changes our feelings about that landscape with the waterfall. Before we'd have thought something like, "How beautiful!" or "How gorgeous!" Now when we see the deer standing there, still motionless, our mind goes to, "What the fuck is wrong with them?" Likewise, the cow seems like a layabout compared to those plucky birds. Somebody's gonna be having burgers for supper!

It's with the human figures, though, that the magic truly happens. Look at that mother holding the baby at 0:50. The movements are so controlled, so smooth, so refined. The animation has transported this intimate scene into a realm previously occupied only by online greeting cards and JibJab.

Mr. Tagliafierro has surely answered many an art lover's prayer. I know whenever I see Alma Parens by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1:25), my first thought is, "I sure wish that kid would get his head out of the way so we could see her other booby." And the painting with the bears (1:32) now ventures beyond art into education. Who would have guessed bears were so slow? Next time I'm confronted by one I'll definitely try to outrun it.

The little-girl montage around the 2:00 point totally transfixes me. I frequently see portraits in museums and think, "You know, if she could only tip her head back and forth like a solar cat she'd be totally cool." I often look at paintings of little girls and muse, "If only she were alive and able to pull her up her little skirt."

I'll bet if these artists were alive today they'd thank Mr. Tagliafierro. I'm sure at some point they all looked at their work and said, "I really wish these figures could move like vinyl reindeer in a front-yard Christmas display."

A nude forest scene (3:00) looks like a raucous party when stuck to canvas, but animated it truly comes alive. Who'd have guessed the slow-moving figures would look automatons perched atop a clock sold on QVC? At 4:47 a girl entrances with her coy allure; with the wink and finger moving into dimple, though, now she's saying, "Give me a haypenny and I'll let you pull my knickers down!"

I know you probably don't have time to watch the whole thing, so I'll summarize it as succinctly as I can. Boobs, boobs, butt, angel wings. Hands move toward nipples. Almost every figure ever painted moves toward orgasm except Edward Munch's Scream. A dress strap slips, another nipple appears. Boobs, boobs, nipples, snatch.

At 6:15 we see what The Walking Dead would look like if it was art-directed by Vermeer. Nipples give way to blood, blood cedes to death. It's so sad: now the artist is using his skills to cover up the perky pink nipples. The true finality of death finally hits us, but it's still fuckin' hot!

Though the video is a bit long at eight billion minutes eleventy thousand seconds, we definitely get a feel for Mr. Tagliafierro's talents. Our minds can't be faulted for wandering to the obvious: What would he be capable of if he made front-lawn Christmas displays? Certainly men from far and near would linger for hours, though probably with slowly-moving coats across their laps.