2014: Four hundred of the couple's closest friends receive a notice in the mail saying, "Alec and Hilaria Baldwin have mixed feelings in announcing the arrival of a ridiculously useless lump of human flesh."
2016: Since his marriage to yoga instructor Hilaria Thomas lasted just eighteen months, Alec Baldwin resolves to find a partner who is even better at balancing his overbearing personality. He announces his engagement to a four foot pile of vanilla pudding.
2017: @alecbaldwin tweets, "Row row row your BOAT. Row row row your BOAT. How fuckin' hard is that to sing?"
2018: In a startling about-face, Alec Baldwin accepts a role on a TV sitcom playing an arrogant, self-centered grandpa.
2019: Little Baracka Baldwin is hospitalized for injuries to her palms suffered during a particularly animated game of Patty Cake.
2022: After 10 years practicing yoga and the intervention of two high-profile construction companies, Alec Baldwin actually touches his feet.
2024: In his last tweet, @alecbaldwin writes, "If Quacker Factory doesn't start making sweatshirts for men, I'M FUCKIN' OUT OF HERE."
1 comment:
That's just excellent, and good clean fun. Jeanne Bice, up in her heavenly sweater factory, wishes she would have thought of Quacker Factory sweaters for men.
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