I've spent the last six months making plans for my trip to Japan. I made reservations at one hotel's website, but never got a confirmation. I emailed three times and never got a reply.
Finally I decided to call. An old man answered the phone -- in Japanese, of course. "Do you speak English?" I asked.
"I don't know," he answered in a sad voice, like I was his mom and I'd asked if he was going to finish his carrots.
"Is there somebody there who speaks English?" I asked.
"I don't know."
"I made a reservation online. Can you see if you got it?"
"I don't know."
I hung up, deciding I can be frustrated for much less than ten bucks a minute. Over the next week I called back five times, and every time he answered the phone. He still didn't know.
A couple hours later, a parade came by my apartment house. There were probably a hundred people in funny costumes and big red noses walking on stilts, riding unicycles, and just generally raising heck. I asked one of them, a twentyish woman wearing mismatched tights and a hat made out of balloons, what was up. "Crown!" she cried happily.
"Crown?" I repeated.
"Crown!" she confirmed.
About eight hours later it hit me: CLOWN. It was a clown parade, advertising a clown festival at a performance space nearby.
I leave next Monday, for three weeks. Will I have hotel reservations? Will I fit into the subway? Will I understand anything anybody says? Will my bladder explode because I can't find a bathroom? Will I accidentally eat a $900 meal?
I think I know how the old dude feels.
Clown Festival
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7 comments:
I would love to say I'm not insanely jealous, but that would be a total lie. Have a good time on your trip, even though three weeks without updates is going to be very hard on your readers.
Thanks Lil! I may hire a blogsitter to post some repeats -- which doesn't make a lot of sense, since you can find everything in the archive. But I want to leave a light on so folks know I'm not gone for good.
I'm just picturing getting off the plane and folks scurrying for cover like Godzilla's just arrived. . . .
Maybe you can write 21 new entries this week and then have the sitter post them once day at a time? Sure, its tiring, and completely unnecessary, but still!
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you won't get kidnapped and sold into the circus. I can just see the "Roots" post that would follow: "RomanHans: He Just Needed a Vacation".
Are you planning on going the the phallus shrine? It's too bad you're not going in March, you could have been there for the phallus parade and everything.
Hi Romanhas, I love your blog. I have been to Japan and it is fantastic, I stayed in Tokyo at the Kayabacho Pearl in Tokyo. free pick up from the major bus terminal, they speak English, good room and close to Subway. I used www.asiarooms.com to book. Very safe and reliable site. Enjoy !
Am wildly jealous. Japanese are Fascinated by the tall and the Caucasian, just so you know, and though normally reserved are (under the right conditions and circumstances) unabashed about finding out all manner of details. I encourage you to oblige them.
As for speaking English, be forewarned that they don't believe it is possible for westerners to learn Japanese, and if you do, they will pretend not to understand anyway. So don't bother.
Oh you will have such adventures!
> "RomanHans: He Just Needed a Vacation"
Here's another phrase sure to figure in my obituary: "And these are kids who normally don't play with fire."
Phallus festivities? This is the first I've heard. I'm not real penis-centric, though: I'd prefer a Broad Shoulders carnival or Winsome Smile parade.
Is there a special mini-shrine for people who say size doesn't matter?
Thanks for the kind words, Geoffrey, and the tip. I'm hoping language isn't too much of a problem: I just bought a "Point and Ask" book, where you find the word you want, and show its Japanese translation to a helpful stranger.
I don't know why they've included pictures of mangos and chain saws and penguins but maybe that'll be obvious once I get there.
> So don't bother [speaking Japanese.]
Thanks, George! I was having a hell of a time finding translations for "Yes, my parents are tall," "Yes, it's all in proportion," and "No, I don't play basketball; do you play miniature golf?"
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