Eksclusive Kim And Kanye Koupling Koverage

Here's a guest arriving for the wedding. I think it's the ginger kid from Harry Potter trying to remember a spell that makes pants fit.

I'm not sure why this photo is in here. It's supposed to be in my folder on how to kiss if you don't want to get cold sores.

Here we are at the actual wedding. I'm not positive because the picture is fuzzy, but I think it's a priceless, one-of-a-kind carpet made by albino silkworms that leads up to the ladies' crapper.

This is Kim's dress. Isn't it magnificent? Everything about it is symbolic. The white means innocence, and the veil means modesty. I forget the reason for the splayed-out bottom.

This is the scene inside the chapel. On the groom's side, applause and well-wishes. On the bride's side, specially-reinforced bucket chairs.

At last we see the happy couple taking their vows in a cave of bleu cheese. It was a mammoth thing, all white with blue veins, and Kim remarked that she'd never seen anything like it before. I'm not sure why they had it built, but at least the pair will temporarily stop smelling of Gruyere. "Isn't that fabulous?" one wag in attendance remarked. "Now there's another reason to look at them and think, 'Crackers!'"

This is where the happy couple will be honeymooning. The maze is cool but I personally would not be thrilled if my new spouse took me somewhere specifically designed to lose me. A terrific afternoon is rarely presaged by the words, "Now see if you can find your way back!"

A wedding souvenir. These are really nice jackets, with the famous Navajo Stomach-Cramp Pigeon motif. When Kanye wears his, though, he should make sure he doesn't stand next to somebody whose shirt makes a reference to WEED.